An Ode to Joy
by L. Deschain
Summary: It begins. Crossroads are reached, as those imprisoned become those released. And with Third impact looming on the horizon, choices must be made. Before time runs out.
1. Prologue

**A/N: Neon Genesis Evangelion, one of the most memoriable titles of our generation, continues to spawn fanfiction, works, and thousands of new fans even half a decade after it's last episode. The story of Shinji Ikari and the people around him still touch us, haunt us, and make us laugh. Though horrible in it's vision, passionate in it's message, and brilliant in it's hidden meanings, Evangelion's greatest attribute has, and will always be, it's ability to inspire. Forbetter or worse, you will take something from Eva. This story is what I took.**

**Disclaimer:****I don't own anything pertaining to Evangelion. I do, however, own the characters and creations that I introduce into the NGE storyline.**

**-**

**Prologue: Death Is An Angel With Two Faces**

**-**

**Antarctic Research Transmission**

**September 13, 2000 AD**

"_The Ego borderline is being suppressed; its Anti-AT Field is unfolding!"_

"_Adam has completed the final stage of physical fusion."_

"_The cells are merging at an increased rate. DNA ratio has begun to increase."_

"_The Lance! Pull the Lance back!"_

"_We can't, a quantum feedback loop has occurred in the core. The Lance is being sucked in!"_

"_My God, it's absorbing it! A power build-up has been detected via the Seforic Dogma! It's bypassing the borders!"_

"_Heaven's Door! It's begun to form!"_

"_Shut down all of the ego contaminant sites!"_

"_Reassembling all borderlines to reverse when the Door of Gaf opens."_

"_The AT ratio is flooded! The backdrop can't get through!"_

"_Movement confirmed! It's walking!"_

"_We have to stop it before it passes the threshold! Use all of the AS-Contaminant conductors to dilute as much of it's Anti-AT Field as possible!"_

"_It's no use! A second Field has emerged, it's overlapping the first! The conductors can't get through them both!"_

"_The Fields have begun to interact! The particles are…Oh my God! There mixing frequencies!"_

"_It's breaking through the AS border!"_

"_The Door, it's opening!"_

"_The energy from the Fields is focusing! It's pooling the energy into its core!"_

"_It's using the Lance of Longinus as a conductive source; it's passing through the First Gate!"_

"_An interaction has occurred! Pattern is white, I repeat pattern is white!"_

"_The Wings are spreading! It's awa-"_

**Connection Broken**

-

"Is that all?" The man in black asked as the screen filled with static. He turns to the man in white, his face set in stone.

"Yes sir" the man in white said "shortly after we lost contact, the anomaly occurred. It completely vaporized the continent along with the entire research facility stationed there at the time."

"And the survivor? Have there been any changes in her behavior?"

The man in white turned to the security console and quickly typed in a few codes. He chanced a quick glance over his shoulder at the man in black, a look of confusion flitting across his face.

_Why SEELE's sudden interest? _the man in white wondered to himself _It's been almost a year since the incident and they've never sent a formal investigator before, not since recovering their precious Lance. What are they trying to find?_

He typed in the final code to the surveillance feed and patched it through to the main screen.

"As you can see she hasn't shown any change." He explained, "She eats and sleeps, nothing else. She refuses to speak or react to any of our attempts at communication." He gestured to the screen "It's as if, metaphorically speaking, the girl's soul has left her, leaving behind this hollow empty shell. Not that that's any surprise after what she's witnessed."

"Indeed. The birth of a god can blind many of those unprepared for its radiant glory." the man in black replied as he studied the screen. "And you say she shows no sign of contamination?"

The man in white could not help but smile. A god? This man had shown up at Gehirn's research facility as an investigator yet he seemed to know nothing. Rather, he seemed to be an overzealous priest wearing the illustrious guise of a scientist.

"Sir, not to be rude, but if Ms. Katsuragi exhibited any signs of ego contamination from the anomaly she would be dead by now."

The man in black cocked an eyebrow at the man in white's words. "Really now? Yet she came into direct contact with the Angel's AT-Field but she shows no sign of the metamorphic affects of the particles. If I didn't know better professor, I'd say this child is a walking miracle." He stepped closer to the man in white, a slight smirk lifting the corners of his lips "But I don't believe in miracles, doctor. This child is different, and SEELE has continued to fund this facility to uncover those answers. You will continue to research this anomaly is that clear?" The man stepped back, the smile disappearing "Good. Now, I believe I have acquired what I came for." he turned towards the door but stopped at the threshold. "Words of advice, Fuyutsuki, know your place in the scheme of things. Or you may yourself involved in events you won't understand." He turned to the doctor as he stepped out the door " Good day, Professor Fuyutsuki."

_Persistent bastards _Fuyutsuki thought, a scowl evident on his face as he watched the man in black leave. _What are they planning? Does it have something to do with the Adam clone? _He turned to the display screen. _Eva…_

It was currently monitoring a single room. The walls of this room were white and bare, a bed and desk the only furnishings. The steel chair to the desk had been placed in the center of the room; wherein sat the only occupant of the room.

She was wearing purple pajamas embroidered with gold stars. Her long lavender hair spilled down her face as she sat hunched forward, absently staring at the floor. She had been that way for the past four hours. Sometimes she would moan or sob uncontrollably. On occasion, she would even cry.

_Poor girl…She has no one left in this world. _Fuyutsuki thought to himself as he watched her through the security camera.

_God help her. _

A sad smile played across his lips, and he could not help but utter a small laugh. God. Right. It was an Angel that had killed her father and torn her mind apart, and here he was asking for God's help.

How ironic.

Fuyutsuki gathered his reports from the security station and left the room. He never noticed the figure standing in the shadows a few feet from the door. Neither did the figure move nor speak until the sounds of the doctor's footsteps ceased to echo through the halls of the half-constructed complex.

_How wrong you are doctor. We must all learn from our mistakes, and luckily, our sins can be forgiven. _

_-_

The center was dark and, save for the security guards and a very ecstatic Dr.Akagi hyped up on coffee, everyone had left Gehirn's headquarters. The place was as silent as a crypt, to say the least.

Almost. For if one had the hearing, for not the body, but the soul, you could hear the screaming that echoed through the dark corridors.

The silent screaming of a tortured soul, one who knew only a sense of uncontrollable fear.

Oh yes, he heard it. It had never ceased to haunt him, and for the past two years he had shunned her away from him; preferring to hide in his own guilt and shame. So many lives lost, because of him. Why then had he stayed by her side? Why did he continue to watch from the shadows as she suffered? Why did it bother him so much to see this small, fragile, _Lillim _child waste away?

It was funny really, when he realized it.

He who had caused the deaths of thousands, no millions, was afraid.

Afraid of one human soul, a child no less, for it had been her that had looked into him and seen his true self.

He had to help her no matter what the cost.

_I will not let her die, _he thought to himself as he watched her from his usual spot in the shadows of her room. She was crying again today. The sound of her crying always tore him apart, knowing that he had taken something infinitely precious from her and caused this mess.

_Compassion, _the other whispered to him. _How infinitely complex that emotion is. Yet it is still an emotion. Like all others, it will wear and fade away with time._

_I don't want it to, _he told it. _I just want to help her. No matter what the cost._

_You do know, that by doing this you will permanently tie your fate to the Lillim don't you? By making that choice you will steadily become more and more like them save for the curse and the secrets within it?_ the other responded

_I don't care. I am already bound to the fate of this world; most of my power will remain. As for the mark, I doubt I will ever be rid of it._

_True, but you will have to close the gates to do so. Do you realize what that will do? The price you will have to pay._

_Yes, I'm prepared for it._

_Very well, make your choice. I will stand by you, though I have absolutely no idea why._

_Maybe we are not so different after all._

_Perhaps, now hurry. _

The man stood up from his hiding place and with a rustle of leather, was gone.

-

Above the Geofront in a place known as the Artificial Evolution Advancement Center, a certain woman was sound asleep on her keyboard. Her office was a decent size with a few pieces of furniture and a desk. The company executives had offered her a much larger space on the higher floors. She had politely turned down the offer, preferring to stay in her smaller office.

Here, Yui Ikari was free to advance her work at her own pace. Which was, to say the least, quite fast. She took pride in her work. Believing that through her research, humankind could create a better world. Which is why she worked so diligently, sometimes staying away from home for days at a time. She had often wondered if Gendo minded how long she stayed away, but knew he didn't mind. He supported her theories more than anyone else did. Plus he was her husband, and she loved him more than anything in the world.

And lately her theories had become more than just theories; they had begun to step into the realm of reality. Now they had developed into a full-fledged project.

The Adam Revival Project, also known as Evangelion.

Which is why she was currently passed out on her computer. Lately these past few nights she had gotten little sleep. Not just from her work and an insanely high caffeine intake, but from her dreams. She had been dreaming lately, and it was always the same.

-

_She was floating naked in a sea of gold entirely devoid of life. An endless sea that seemed to go on forever in all directions._

_A sea that smelled eerily of blood. Though how she could smell, let alone breathe, she had no idea. _

_Then she appeared. A girl of about seven with short blue hair, red eyes, and skin the color of pale ivory._

"_Are you lost?" the girl asked. They appeared to be underwater, yet Yui could hear her clearly. _

"_Who are you?" Yui asked, her voice echoing through the liquid. Strange, but wasn't that the way dreams were supposed to be?_

_The girl only smiled and pointed to something behind her. That's when the dream ceased to be intriguing, and became horrifying. For behind Yui loomed the giant armored form of an Evangelion._

_This Eva was different though. While the prototypes had an orange décor and multiple eyes, this Eva had purple and green armor with only two eyes. Faster than her eyes could see the gigantic beast wrapped her in one of its enormous hands, its eyes glowing a fierce white. Then something infinitely strange happened. The Eva's armor began to buckle and creak, various cracks springing up across the plating. _

_Finally, with a grotesque ripping sound, the armor literally exploded of it's body; exposing brown and gray flesh beneath it. The monster, for that's what it truly appeared to be, howled either in pain and sheer fury as runnels of red blood spewed from it's wounds. A great deal of the blood ran down its arm where she was held captive to completely coat her naked body. Yui could only watch in shock as the plating around its mouth shattered, revealing rows of teeth that glared menacingly down at her. _

_She had never seen a more terrifying and hellish sight. _

_It lifted her closer to its face as if sampling her scent; it's hot rank breath blowing across her face. The blue haired child appeared again, this time on the Eva's shoulder._

"_The time of choosing is at hand," she said with that same wide smile on her face. "You will be the first." she whispered something to the Eva and gestured to Yui._

_The Eva turned from the girl on it's shoulder to stare hungrily at it's prey, a low growl resounding in it's throat. _

_Yui had only enough time to scream before it lunged forward and bit down on her body._

_-_

Yui awoke with a start, the scream still rising in her throat. She was drenched with sweat and had twisted off her chair to land on the floor. She slowly stood up on shaky knees, and then let out a gasp as her legs buckled from underneath her.

She expected to meet the hardwood flooring face first and threw out her arms to brace herself, but the impact never came. She looked up to see who had caught her.

He was about nineteen, with long lavender hair so pale it was almost white. His eyes were the color of emeralds, his skin a ghost-like ivory. _Like the girl's _Yui thought to herself. Remembering the dream caused her knees to buckle, and she almost fell again.

"Whoa!" the boy said as he caught her again. His voice was pleasantly soft "Let's get you to your chair, Mrs. Ikari." This time he put her arm around his shoulders and helped her back to her chair.

"Bad dreams?" he asked when she had recovered. She nodded, taking in a few deep breaths. What was her problem? It was only a dream, but it had felt so real. And who was this man? She thought she had locked her door so she wouldn't be disturbed. She looked up at the boy. He was wearing what looked like a normal black trench coat, except there were multiple chains hanging from his collar down to his chest. The chains all had unusual symbols etched into them that seemed to dance along the metal in the light.

The boy noticed her looking at him and reflexively hid his left hand in the folds of his sleeve.

"So…to business I suppose." He took a seat across from her on the couch that had been her bed for the past few nights.

"Um… not to be rude, I'm very grateful for your help, but what are you doing here? This section is for project staff only," she asked him "and I'm sure I locked my door."

He smiled slightly "Well to tell you the truth Mrs. Ikari, I came to see you. My name is Roland Kamina, and I have a proposition for you."

Yui blinked at him in confusion. Here it was three in the morning and he had broken into one of the most guarded buildings in Tokyo, just to talk business with her? She should just call security to see this man out.

As if anticipating her actions he lifted his hand up "Wait. Allow me to at least tell you the terms, I beg of you."

"Okay." Yui said reluctantly. I beg of you?

"Thank you. As I was saying, I have a proposition for you. One which you will no doubt find most interesting." he gave her a wry smile "What I propose will excel your project tenfold, for a simple price that is."

_How does he know about the project? _Yui thought to herself. She felt her stomach turn over at the possibility of an information leak. Yet something stopped her from calling security. "I'm listening," her expression softened "and it's Yui. I don't feel comfortable being referred to so formally."

The boy nodded "As you wish, Yui. You are the leader of project Eva, are you not?" he asked her.

Yui nodded, still not knowing were he was going with this.

"Therefore you have all control over anything that strictly relates to the revival of Adam and Second Impact. What I am requesting is that you release Misato Katsuragi from Gehirn's central command and place her somewhere more suitable for a child of her age. Preferably, without twenty-four hour surveillance Also I request that you give her proper schooling and housing. All funded by Gehirn of course." he leaned forward "What I propose in return, is this." he reached into his left sleeve and withdrew a small glass vial, which he then set on the small table in front of her couch.

Yui slowly picked up the vial and looked at it. Inside was a small red stone, no bigger than a pebble. Hers eyes widened, and she quickly looked at Roland "Is this…?"

Roland nodded to her "Yes, and if you agree to my terms, more will follow."

Yui sat back into her chair, and only managed to mouth 'more to follow'. She was completely shocked. What she held in her hand could push the project forward ten years at least! She looked at Roland in disbelief "How did you-" she began but he cut her off.

"That doesn't matter, at least half a sample will arrive at Gehirn's headquarters if you cooperate. I will leave that with you as insurance. Do we have a deal Yui?"

She could only stare dumbstruck at him. Half a sample! Forget ten years, with that much core material a functional Evangelion could be ready in under a year, perhaps less!

"Who are you?" she asked him in awe.

A soft small lifted the corners of his lips "I am what you Lillim have been attempting to achieve. I am both death and rebirth, a living testament of your own theories. I am also a friend and I am willing to help you, if you agree to what I ask."

She felt shivers run down her spine at his words "Then you're…?" words failed her, she couldn't believe this.

He nodded "Yes. I am." he stood up "now, as soon as Ms. Katsuragi is released and relocated, the sample will be shipped to Gehirn approximately twelve hours later. No sooner, no less."

He walked to the door and stopped his back to her. She noticed the large white cross that had been inlaid into the leather on the back of his coat. "Yui" he said jerking her back out of her trance "take care of your son, he'll need you to be there to protect him. He's more important than you will ever know." and with those words he opened the door and was gone.

Yui sat alone in silence for a few seconds, then shot out of her chair and threw her door open.

"Wait!" she yelled to Roland "what do you mean?" Roland only waved to her, not even bothering to turn around. "I'll be watching!" he yelled to her.

A few seconds later, he disappeared around a corner.

Yui stood there for a few minutes, her mind digesting what had just transpired. Slowly, she walked back into her office and picked up the vial. She stared at the stone within the delicate glass. So much knowledge was contained within this small stone. Glancing at the phone on her desk, she made her decision.

She picked it up and dialed Gehirn's private line.

-

Outside her door, Roland breathed in a sigh of relief as he heard her pick up the phone and request Fuyutsuki.

_Congratulations, _the other told him.

_Thanks, but the hardest part is still to come._

_I'm going to enjoy seeing you writhing in pain._

_You're having way to much fun with this. _he sighed

Then he disappeared.

-

Two days later a large truck pulled into Gehirn's headquarters. The drivers where taken in and questioned about there employer, but it seemed the delivery had come from a private source. Gehirn operatives attempted to find leads leading to the employer, but came up dry.

The material within the truck was brought in and tested. The results came up positive. The real thing.

As predicted, project Eva excelled at a staggering rate; jumping ahead of schedule by an estimated twelve years.

A year later the first fully functional test Evangelion was constructed.

Two months after the arrival of the material samples, Yui Ikari discovered something wonderful.

She was pregnant.

Nine months later, Shinji Ikari was born.

-

**A/N: This is my first attempt at writing so if you have any comments or suggestions, you know what to do!**


	2. Twilight of Dawn

**_A/N: Sorry it took so long to update! I had to think about all the ways this could have gone. It was a ton of work! Hope you enjoy, and don't forget to review! Whether it's suggestions, comments, or flaming, i'll take it as a way to better my literary skills to fit your liking. Oh, and i;ve also taken to writing quotes at the beginning of every chapter, so enjoy._**

_The mind only knows what lies near the heart._

-

**Chapter 1: The Twilight of Dawn**

-

_August 26, 2015_

_Instrumentality, also known as The Human Completion Project._

_What is it, really?_

_Is it a projection of man's own ingenuity, or perhaps our own fears?_

_What is it that truly drives us to be afraid, I wonder? Is it the fear of life suffused with only hate, anger, and sadness. Would such a fear really push us to forsake our own existence? _

_Or is it an even greater fear?_

_An existence without forgiveness, perhaps?_

_Are we that weak? Are we so afraid of what we are that we would gladly forsake ourselves for a fake reality?_

_Humans, what are we really? We are one of the most vile and destructive creatures to ever exist, but at the same time infinitely beautiful and complex. We have such a wide variety of desires and emotions that rarely do we ever know what we truly want. We desire power over each other, yet will melt at the simple comfort found in another's arms._

_Riddles within riddles..._

_I wonder, what will become of this world after I am gone? What will we become of us? Will we be united, forever pooled into a cascade of emotions?Or will we become something more. Advancing our existence so far as to bend the very fabric of reality?_

_Everything hinges on that boy's decision..._

_I will sincerely regret not being here to see that him succeed, for it seems that I have finally outlived my usefulness. _

_This will be my final entry into this journal. I have no doubts that either the old men or Ikari have already sent a "dispatcher" for me. However, I have no regrets about my death._

_So as a parting gift I pose one last question to you, reader._

_What is a door truly for, opening or closing? Come now, don't give me that look. This is a very important question for me. Especially down here, in the deepest underground, where there are so many doors._

_I bid you farewell, whoever you may be._

_Goodbye, Misato._

-_Ryohji Kaji_

-

"Interesting," he said as he closed the leather bound journal, "what a perplexing question that is."

He glanced up at the sky, painted in a cascade of red and orange as the sun began to set. He looked down at the journal again and sighed.

He had found the journal in the abandoned house of a dead man, hidden away carefully to escape the hands of those that would use it in ignorance of it's purpose. It had offered many insights into the Lillim's plans and thoughts, helping to further his own understanding of the beings that called themselves man that he had so unwittingly become a part of.

And yet... one more person had died. One more person had been sacrificed so the truth could stay alive.

But really, what is the truth?

He didn't know.

He stood up, wincing slightly as the wounds in his arm protested. _I'm going to have to fix that_ _soon,_ he thought to himself, _but first... _

He turned towards the city, taking in it's beauty as the last orange sliver of the sun disappeared over the horizon.

He had seen both Misato and Shinji visit this spot on numerous occasions, even Asuka had been here once or twice to admire the view, and he had come to enjoy it as well.

" How they have grown." he whispered to no one in particular. True enough, they had changed in the last fifteen years. Though he couldn't say the same for himself. Even though years had passed, Roland Kamina seemed to not have aged a day since his encounter with Yui.

He looked down at his left arm, examining the scars carved into the brass-colored metal. They started at the top of his shoulder, where the armor plating began, and stopped at the gauntlet that covered his hand.

The wounds had a beast-like quality to them. Claw marks criss-crossed the golden metal and sank deep into the flesh beneath, dark blue blood oozed from the lacerations to drip off of the five razor sharp talons that covered his fingers and thumb.

The merging of the seventeenth had not been an easy one, and it had also uncovered many...disturbing details. It had taken everything he had to keep it under control, and even then it had almost won. It was almost time.

Tomorrow would be the end of the world, if the Lillim wished it so.

For a while he just stood there, staring at the pool of blood forming in his hand. He thought he understood himself, at least partially, but then something like this would happen.

And then that same question that people often ask themselves would run through his mind.

Who am I? What am I? What am I here for?

Why do I even exist at all?

He sighed, placing his gloved right hand over the metal of his left. No sense in complicating things any further.

He felt the familiar wave of warmth as his core pulled energy from his surroundings and extended it to the wounds in his arm. Flesh that was torn and bloody became whole once more. Twisted and bent armor straightened, while the gashes in the metal melded together and disappeared. Soon, no sign of the incident remained.

The brass-like metal softly clicked as he opened and closed his fist, inspecting the healing process. It was slightly eerie, the way his body functioned: a chaotic mixture of two worlds, impossible to understand.

He looked back at the city, opening his mind to the thoughts of the people there. He felt their hopes and fears, their pain and suffering. He saw their deepest desires and their darkest secrets.

Yes, he knew these people.

He dove deeper into the city, seeking out four distinct souls. He felt their hardship, their loss, their exhaustion. They were tired of fighting, tired of the pain. They had done horrible things, and had lost so much.

He dove even deeper, into the Geofront, past NERV headquarters and the cage that held the two remaining Evangelions. Directly into Central Dogma, and the chamber were she slumbered.

She was a mere shadow of what she had once been, her heart and soul ripped from her flesh by her own children long ago. All that was left was a deformed body nailed to a cross with a barely functioning consciousness.

But a consciousness nonetheless.

She knew he was watching her, observing her. He was drawn to her, like all the others. She had made him what he was, and he was tied to her like all her children.

For awhile they stayed that way, observing one another, unspoken words and thoughts passing between them. They were once enemies, these two, but now...she couldn't say for certain what they were. For the last fifteen years he had shielded himself from her. Until recently she hadn't had any initial contact with him. Not since his...awakening.

He was different now. The Lillim blood that coursed through his veins had altered him in ways she had never thought possible. He just wasn't changed, he was an entirely new entity altogether. There was no telling what he was capable of, or what decisions he would make.

_Perhaps it is for the best, _she thought as his presence turned away _it will be interesting to see what you choose once I am gone._

She once again settled into her lonely slumber. _Soon...soon it shall be decided._

If Lilith had the mouth to do so, she would have grinned.

_O how the mighty hath fallen._

-

"Begin activation sequence!"

"Beginning activation sequence! Releasing ego algorithms! "

"Diagnostics approaching Absolute-Borderline. Dummy System readouts all clear, Proxy A10 nerve connection established!"

"Beginning ego redirection. Redirection confirmed."

"Diagnostics nominal, borderline breached."

A slight hum filled the complex as Evangelion Units 05-13 awoke and surged to life.

It was only their second time activating since the initial test, but they had assured the old men that this was nothing of importance.

All nine of their lips pulled back in an eerie smile as they made their way to the launch bay, their shoulder armor shifting up to release their somehow archaic wings. The coordinates of their newest target was sent to them, and as they launched from the base they all shrilled with glee.

Prey.

Prey had been found.

-

She was dreaming again.

The void, stretching in all directions, continuing on forever in it's cold silence.

Darkness. Mankind's ultimate fear.

She had once told Ikari-kun that man lived in fear of the darkness, for it was unknown to them. So man, in his brilliance, created light to extinguish the darkness.

But there was no light here, for this was the darkness of the mind.

Her mind. Her darkness.

And from the darkness the others came.

Oh how they hated her. How they scorned and cursed her. She was a traitor, an abomination to her own kind. She deserved to be tortured, murdered, and desecrated for her crimes.

Yet, they could not touch her.

_My daughter._

Yes, mother had always been there to shelter her.

_My dear, dear Rei._

Mother had always been there, protecting her.

_But I have no mother. I am a mere creation, a puppet._

" _It's just a big toy!"_

_Yes. A doll. Like me._

_Eva._

_I'm right here. I've always been here._

_Mother?_

_Mother..._

_Rei, tomorrow is the day of choosing. Tomorrow, everything changes._

_Do you want to remember?_

Rei knew what she was being offered. Ever since she had awoken in the hospital after the sixteenth angel attack she had felt... different. Like something was missing from her.

All that was left in it's place was one word.

Third.

She had died, and had once again been replaced.

She was the Third.

_Rei, do you want to remember?_

-

It had finally started.

_So, the first move of the game has been made. Very well, Lilith._

_Now it's my turn._

A smile played across Roland's lips as he turned his back on the city.

A moment later, he was gone.

-

_Yes._

_Then I give back what was stolen from you._

And then... she woke up.

And remembered.

Images flashed before her eyes, like one of the movies she sometimes went to see was being sent directly into her mind at colossal speeds. She saw the first time she had died, strangled to death by the hands of Naoko Akagi, a vision of the seventeenth angel her only condolence into death. She remembered the first time she had said good-bye to Ikari before their mission against the fifth angel, and the way he had cried afterwards. She remembered the feeling of power that had coursed through her body as she hurled the Lance of Longinus up at the fifteenth angel; all to save a friend who despised her for what she could not be.

She remembered Shinji trying to save her from the sixteenth angel, all in vain as the angel attempted to fuse with him.

She remembered weighing Shinji's life against hers, and the feeling of peace as she chose to save his, even if it meant giving up her own.

Because for once, she had been able to protect someone she cared for. For once, she felt like she had mattered.

Then she remembered, against the pain as her Eva break down around her, the feeling of happiness as she realized that Shinji was going to be alright.

All these thoughts and more sped through her mind in a flood of images and sensations, creating an alluring mixture of the past and present that, like a wave, swept her up and sped her off into the unknown.

And slowly, Rei began to feel...human again.

She opened her eyes and looked up at the moon through her window. She had always thought it looked so beautiful at night; like a brilliant white rose delicately placed on a canvas of endless stars.

Slowly, she sat up and looked around the room in a daze, as if she was seeing it for the first time.

She swung her legs over the side of her bed and stood up shaking, fighting to regain her balance as the world spun around her.

She felt...well...like she had risen from the dead.

She made her way over to her dresser, still covered with age old bandages doused in blood and iodine. She lurched forward and threw the bandages aside in a frenzy, frantically searching for what she knew had to be there.

And there it was, a black case less than six inches in length. A small smile graced her pale lips as her hands closed around the box. Such a small, insignificant object, yet it held her most treasured possession.

She opened the case, and there they sat. A single pair of glasses, the moonlight reflecting off of the lenses in a somewhat cold glare that chilled her to the bone.

Cold, like his eyes.

She lifted the glasses tenderly, her hands trembling, ignoring the hollow sound the case made as it clattered to the floor. She didn't know what she was feeling, only that it was sweeping through her mind like wildfire.

" _Rei, the spare is unusable, you will do it again."_

" _You little bitch!"_

" _She can be replaced."_

"_You'd even kill yourself if you were ordered to!"_

" _These things aren't human, only hollow shells with human forms."_

" _Don't tell me you don't dream either."_

" _The Room of Gaf, is empty."_

CRACK!

Rei opened her eyes, her mind snapping back from it's dreamlike state. She looked down at her hands, and the shattered remnants of the glasses.

And the strangest thing was, she didn't care.

For a long time she simply stared at them, wondering what she was doing. What she had been doing all along.

_No more. Never again._

She let the glasses fall from her hands. The sound they made as they hit the floor, though soft in reality, sounded to her like the dull thud of the gavel of fate. She didn't know where she was going, or what she was going to do.

_I am not a doll._

The door opened, then closed.

And Rei Ayanami was finally free.

-

Someone's crying.

_Pain, an unbearable pain._

A small boy, no more than eight or nine, his gray hair floating around his head in this liquid purgatory like an angel's halo. He draws his knees up to his chin, clutching his head in a desperate attempt to make it stop.

_Rip open my skull and let all the pain flow out._

The tears that fall from his eyes, wine red eyes the color of blood, go unseen. His broken murmurs and pleas are lost in the oblivion that surrounds him. His sobs echo off of walls that are everywhere, yet nowhere.

_I'm scared. Someone..._

He wants to leave, to open up the door that leads to somewhere. But he's afraid.

The Beast is outside, and it wants in.

It is the very embodiment of nightmares, a cyclone of mayhem and chaos that exists only to kill, to maim, to destroy. It screams at him through the sounds of ripping claws and gnashing teeth.

_PLEASE DON'T ABANDON ME! PLEASE DON'T KILL ME!!! _

He tries not to hear, to block the screams out, but he can't.

He had been running for so long.

_The rush of wind as hundreds of tons of flesh and metal move through air._

_If I run, it can't find me._

It's pathetic really, because no matter how much he runs the Beast will always be there. He knows that if he opened the door he wouldn't lock eyes with a creature of whirling claws and fury, but a reflection as identical to himself as if he were staring into a mirror.

So tell me, how could it not be there, when Beast and boy are the same? How can you run, when what you are running from is yourself?

You can't.

It must be horrible, to be unable to grasp the knowledge of why you exist. To have it pulled away from you at that last instant; once again being left to fumble in the dark of life's own ignorance. And what is your consolation? Only the gnawing, twisting fact, that awful truth, that somehow, someway, you are broken.

-

Somewhere far outside the limits of Tokyo-3, the waning moonlight reflecting off of its silver and black armor plating, sits the silent form Evangelion Unit-04.

It's arms hang limply at it's sides, it's head is hung low as if in prayer. For the boy's soul which resides within it, if it can be called that, has finally begun to breakdown and decay.

Overhead, nine shadows circle in the night sky like pale overgrown vultures..

-

_I hope I'm not too late. _Roland thought as he passed through the void of darkness and into the open night air. He turned around just in time to see the hole of nothing he had come through close up and vanish behind him.

It was called a Sea of Dirac. The Lillim's theory stated that it was a literally nothing, an area in space that ceased to exist entirely. According to them nothing existed in that void, not even sub-atomic particles.

But something _did _exist there. Something that seemed to pull at his very soul every time he stepped into that tunnel of empty blackness.

For a brief second the air beneath his feet crackled and flared as a hexagonal platform of orange energy surged into existence and sped him off towards his destination.

The next piece in this game: Evangelion Unit-04.

-

It is at times like this, dear reader, when one can find themselves in a true state of self confusion. When one has delved into such turmoil and loss that they begin to question reality in its entirety. Why are things the way they are? Why do they have to be this way? What's the point of it?

And of course, no one answers.

Such is the case, for one person in particular. A person who will soon find himself at the epicenter of this twisted fantasy of broken hearts and shattered minds, but for now is lost in the emptiness of his own heart. A person who believes, that no matter what, he will always be alone.

The bow slowly moves across the first two strings, creating a rich harmonizing tone that echoes through the empty apartment. He shifts it down slightly to touch the next two and repeats the process, stopping occasionally to adjust the fine tuners on the tail piece of the instrument. When it is properly tuned, the boy rests it against himself, enjoying the cool touch of the instruments neck against his cheek.

Then, once again, the bow is rested against the strings and a deep, clear note rings out.

It is the first of many, following one after another like links in a chain. Soft, delicate fingers that have never known conflict, yet have torn asunder the flesh of friend and foe alike, move swiftly across the fingerboard to create a beautiful melody.

It is a song he has played many times. One that takes him far away from all his troubles and fears, to a paradise of simplistic harmony woven by the deep resounding notes of the cello. A place where he doesn't have to think or feel or worry; a place where only the path of the music resides.

But not tonight.

Tonight, Eva has laid claim to him.

He hears the music, in all it's wonderful glory, but he no longer _feels_ it. It no longer caresses his heart with it's soft tones, rather, it only serves as a lost cause, what _could _have been, but shall never be. Nor does it bring a smile to his face as he plays; that shy fleeting smile, so rare an event, that it is the very image of innocence and life, has been replaced by a look of hollow emptiness. No, the music serves as an image of a radiant paradise that can never be reached, sent there only to torment him. The music that once filled the halls of his soul with it's serene melody, now dimly echoes through the confines of his shattered mind. To him the music is nothing more than the mournful dirge of his own decaying self.

The music starts to slow, the bow grating across the strings in a horrible screech before coming to a stop and clattering to the floor. Two tears fall onto the dark, stained wood of the cello. A small sob, almost a whimper, runs through the boy as he stares down at his hands with a look of horror and despair.

He wonders what right he has to create such beautiful music, such sweet serenity, when these very hands have caused so much pain. How can he play, what right does he have?

_None_, he tells himself. _I'm nothing but a useless coward. _He opens and closes his hands, as if seeing them for the first time. Suddenly a memory, so vivid in its recollection that he immediately feels the blood rush to his face, sweeps through his mind.

" _Do you wanna kiss me?" she asks. _

" _What!?" _

" _Do you want to kiss me?" she repeats, a slight hint of annoyance evident in her voice._

" _W-Why?" he manages to stammer, fighting the overwhelming feeling to pass out._

_She merely shrugs her shoulders, as if it's nothing. " I'm bored."_

He slams his palms into his face, as if by doing so he can halt the flood of tears that now flow freely from his eyes.

_His first kiss. Sure, her fingers pinching his nose served to slightly lower the pleasure from the experience, but it was a kiss all the same._

_But how he had wanted it. No, how he_**needed** _it. How he needed to feel, for once in his life, like he was wanted. Even if the feeling was just in his imagination, he desperately needed to feel close to someone; if only for a second._

_But I'm not, am I? _he thinks to himself _I'm not important to anyone. All they want me for is so I can pilot the Eva. _

"_I want you to destroy me. Otherwise you will be destroyed. Only one life form can be chosen to evade the destruction and seize the future, and you are not the existence which should die. You need the future, it's what you Lillim live for."_

"_I thank you, Shinji Ikari. My life was... meaningful, because of you."_

And the memory of those words, so full of sadness, yet devoid of regret, was the final push for Shinji Ikari. His mind, already teetering on the edge, finally slipped and lost it's footing, plunging itself into the pit of loathing and self-hate that had become of his heart.

The resounding protest of the cello as it hits the ground goes unheard as he slips out of his chair and onto his knees, his face buried in his hands.

_Asuka...please help me. I need you to help me._

_Help me Asuka._

_-_

_So, this is an Evangelion._ Roland thought as he hovered hundreds of feet above the ground, the only thing separating him from a fatal encounter with said ground being the wavering platform of his AT-Field.

_A being born from man's own antithesis, yet utilized in such a way as to fight alongside that which it was originally created to destroy._ _Amazing. It's incomplete, but functions almost perfectly._

Suddenly his head snaps back in the direction of the city, his eyes wide, his gaze inhuman. He stays absolutely still, as if listening for something, completely oblivious to both Eva Unit-04 and the nine white monstrosities that circle above it.

Then slowly, the look of predator-like focus is replaced by deep sadness.

_Shinji._

_-_

Somewhere, in the deep, twisting passages and corridors of NERV headquarters, there is a place known as the 1st Cranial Nerve Intensive Care Unit. You may have heard of it, for both Shinji Ikari and Rei Ayanami have been patients in it's white, sanitary rooms on numerous occasions. Yes, those white rooms, so lonely to Shinji Ikari, yet somehow comforting to Rei Ayanami.

But, throughout its history of patients, it has never housed one quite like this.

The room is as silent as a crypt. Only the occasional beep and whir of the EKG machine adjusting itself

pierces the thick blanket of silence that has fallen over the room. There is no movement from the patient, only the steady rise and fall of her chest as she breathes. Her eyes are wide and staring, as empty as a window looking out into a pitch black night, when all sight seems to have fled before the coming terror of the dark.

She has been this way for some time, ever since the angel known as Areal tore through the barrier of her mind, ripping apart her already damaged soul and scattering the pieces to the four corners of her consciousness. For some time now, she has been completely devoid of any signs life. Even as the world around her begins to crumble and fall, she remains as desolate and lifeless as the very doll that haunts her memories.

Or has she?

Slowly, her lips part and a soft, dry rasp flows out from between them. Finally, after numerous attempts, a sound issues forth from her mouth. One word, barely above a whisper, as if she is speaking from some far off distance.

" Shin...ji."

-

It's interesting what becomes of a person, when all happiness, or even the hope for happiness, has faded away into despair. In some cases a person is capable of hiding behind a mask of feigned emotion, only to feel the full force of there sadness when they are alone, and in an attempt to keep that moment from occurring surround themselves with others.

Others you could say have a harder time, or perhaps easier, depending on your point of view. These people are the ones that are incapable of fashioning a mask of falsehood to hide behind, or are simply too far gone to consider this notion. Now, you could say that these people are truly free, never having to check for cracks or flaws in their guise of emotion. But, is this really freedom? They are still tormented by their emotions in the end, are they not? I suppose it all depends on how you choose to look at it.

But there is one other type of person, and those are the ones that fate has truly been cruel to. Those who know only despair and grief, who are so tormented by their loss that they lose sight of the world around them.

And it is these people who should truly be pitied.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." he whispers over and over again, as if by saying these words , everything will go away. But they don't, and the memories rip through his mind more mercilessly than any enemy he has ever faced.

" Oh god I'm so sorry." he sobs, falling to the floor, his head in his hands.

He lifts his face to the ceiling that was once unfamiliar to him, but has now become home. Home, what an unfamiliar feeling that was to him.

" Asuka, Misato, Ayanami, help me!!"

" Father... Father help me."

" Mother...please..."

" SOMEONE!! ANYONE!!! PLEASE HELP ME!!!"

-

" Sir, an unidentified object has been detected near the Evangelion."

"What?!?" yelled the commander, rushing to the tech officers station.

" We've just managed to pick it up on Unit-06's monitoring sensor. I'm bringing it up now."

A large holographic screen appeared directly in front of the commanding station. It portrayed an overhead image of Unit-04.

" Magnifying" said the officer. The image expanded until the only the Eva's beast-like head filled the screen. There, directly in front of the rogue Evangelion, was a man. He seemed to be struggling with something, his body twisting back and forth.

And an even stranger sight, was that the man seemed to be standing on nothing at all. Just empty space.

" AT-Field detected at the origin of the unknown object." said another officer.

" An Angel!?!"

Somewhere in the back of the commanding station, where the shadows were thick, there was a multiple creaking of chairs as twelve shrouded figures leaned forward.

" Unknown, we can't get a lock on it," replied the tech, his fingers dancing along his keyboard. The image on the main holographic screen switched from Unit-04 to a digram displaying an enclosed, circling loop of color-shifting energy. " the signature is cycling through all our known frequencies. It's phasing through quantum space at an-" Suddenly he froze, his eyes wide with fear.

" What?! What is it?!" yelled the commander.

" This is impossible..." said the tech, barely above a whisper. On the screen, multiple lines of data streamed across the monitor. To the commander it meant nothing, only lines of gibberish he couldn't understand. But to the technical officer, it seemed as if he was peering into the gateway of Hell itself.

" What does that-" but he never got to finish. Just then, the lines of data disappeared altogether, to be replaced by an enigmatic readout that, for reasons unknown, sent an involuntary chill down everyone's spine.

**PATTERN WHITE**

Then all the monitors exploded.

Officers screamed as multiple fires broke out across the commanding station. The holographic display wavered, then, with a sound like the last breath a candle takes before dying, winked out of existence.

But among the chaos of the explosions, silent words were being exchanged by the twelve shadows wreathed in darkness. They had all seen the image that had been displayed, and they were deeply troubled by it. But an even more troubling prospect had presented itself, and it shifted through the group, causing a tremble of fear to ripple among them. None of them spoke of it. To speak of it would border on blasphemy, for it would mean the one thing that they could not afford to be possible.

That their precious Dead Sea Scrolls had been wrong.

Finally, after some time, one of the shadows lifted his head, the light reflecting off of the metal visor he wore over his eyes, and spoke. It was one word, barely spoken above a whisper, but riddled with meanings more mysterious than any ancient secret of the past.

"Adam."

-

Roland wrenched his gaze from the distant lights of Tokyo 3. It was hard though and he felt as if his heart was being torn in two. Tears glistening in his eyes, fists clenched, he turned his attention back to what needed to be done.

" I'm sorry." he whispered. It was too much, and a sob escaped from his throat as tears fell from his eyes, to be instantly evaporated by the crackling AT-Field beneath his feet. Slowly, as if some powerful unknown force had turned it's attention on him, he turned back to the city and, in a way, succumbed to the hold it had over him.

_If only I could reach them, then I could make it all go away. I could save them. They wouldn't have to hurt anymore. _

_Yes,_ a voice whispered to him, _reach out to them Roland. Feel for them. Make the pain stop Roland. Please, make it stop._

The voice was like a brilliant ray of pure light, warm and sensual against his mind; like sunlight that danced across the rippling lake of his consciousness. He was so tired. He wanted only to bask in the light that seemed so warm and full of good.

_Make everything disappear. Then you can rest._

Suddenly the lake of his mind expanded, becoming a vast ocean. He could see everything, feel everyone, all at once. He saw Shinji, his own mind tearing him apart in the very place that had served to calm it. Rei wandering the streets, not knowing what she was looking for, but searching for it all the same.

He quailed at the sight of Asuka, the part of her that still had hope frantically trying to claw out of the pit that her mind had made of itself, only to lose footing and plunge back into her self-made oblivion. He saw Misato, pacing back and forth in her office, her mind racing, an unopened can of beer sitting on the edge of her desk. He saw all of this and longed to reach out to them, to caress their lonely souls with his own.

_That's right. Feel them Roland, reach out to them._

And it was in that moment, when Roland joined his consciousness to theirs, that he realized just how undeniably alone he was.

_I'm...alone._

_Then make everything go away. You won't have to be alone anymore._

He almost did it, his feelings were that strong. There was a part of him, deep down inside, that wanted to destroy, to wipe the smudge of this world from existence, to end the suffering. But, in the moment before he unleashed that intention upon an unsuspecting reality, an odd thought intruded into the tranquility that had fallen over him. It stabbed into his mind with such sharpness that for a moment he stumbled, the ocean receded slightly, and a few of those rays of other's thoughts slipped away from him.

It was more of a memory really, one that had been locked away deep within the confines of his fragmented memory, but had broken free of the chains of his mind, to surface with as sharp of clarity as the day it was experienced.

_He was floating in what he could only guess was a sea, his face upturned to the dark iron-gray clouds of a tremendous storm. The wind whipped around him like a savage beast; subdued and wounded, but still strong enough to wreak havoc. In the distance he saw the bright yellow flood lights of a ship. All around him, steaming icebergs shifted through the water like huge monoliths of a long forgotten race. His whole body hurt horribly, as if someone had impaled him with red hot pokers. She was floating over him, long blue hair spilling down her shoulders like silk, that sweet scent washing over him, easing his pain. She reached down and gently touched his cheek, her lips forming a-_

_Smile. She was smiling at him. His gaze locked with hers. All the hustle and bustle of the college lunchroom, the smell of the food, the mixed sounds as a multitude of people conversed; he was oblivious to them all. All he saw was her radiant smile. She had grown from the scared little girl to the beautiful, radiant young woman sitting before him. His heart beat rapidly in his chest. The light reflected off of the small silver cross that dangled from her neck. He could only smile weakly as she waved to him. Slowly, he lifted up his own hand in return,a hand covered in golden-_

_Armor. His arm had a mind of it's own, twisting back and forth like some ill-tempered snake. He could hear his bones crunching and snapping, his flesh renting and tearing. If he had been a normal person, he would have died from the sudden loss of blood._

_But he wasn't normal, was he?_

_That night, as he lay awake in his small apartment, his mind too preoccupied with thoughts of her to sleep. The strange, itching feeling in his arm. The shock, then terror as strange symbols and designs that glowed the brightest crimson began to form along his bare arm. The fear as they crawled along his chest and back. The bright flare of pain as he convulsed on his bed, twisting his body; digging his nails into the excruciating pain in his back, just below the shoulder blades. _

_The radiant light that had filled the room, obliterating every stroke of night that dared linger in it's presence. The sense of anger, of absolute rage. Memories pouring into his mind so fast, it felt as if his head would literally explode under the pressure of so much thought._

_Waking up, his room scorched; the very shadows of objects burned into the walls._

_That strange woman again, except now she wasn't smiling. She was crying. Reaching out to him, but always drawing her hand back, as if she could no longer touch him._

_She had been crying, tears streaming from her eyes._

_Red eyes._

_Crying for him._

_-_

**_A/N Well whatcha think?! I had more written for this chapter, but i decided to cut it off here or else it would have been REALLY long. So i'm saving the other parts for my next chapter which will (hopefully) be done soon! R&R please! Click the button! You know you want to._**

**_Special thanks: To both the lovely Dei-chan and Kai, for editing and reading this drabble i like to call writing. And to, of course, my liebchan sailorveggie, for supporting me every step of the way (even if i do confuse her on more than one occasion). And finally, to Rico, Kaseijin, Kitsu, and Black Fox, for all the support. _**


	3. Requiem of Memories

_**A/N: Finally! The next chapter is up! Sorry it took me so long, but hey, that's life for you.**_

_**Disclaimer: I don't own Evangelion, though I wish I did...**_

-

_There is no clear division between Gods and Men---one blends softly casual into the other._

**-**

**Chapter 2: Requiem of Memories**

-

Something was different.

The young boy with silver hair and red eyes looks up from his corner of nothing; that small scrap of himself that he could still call his.

Something had changed.

He stood up, the darkness shifting around him like water. It parted like a veil, revealing the object of his deepest fears and darkest nightmares.

It is a door, bright white in color, with a bright red knob to match. Inlaid into the knob are two wings, one white, one black. A strange spine tingling feeling, almost like an electrical shock, ripples through him as he presses himself against the door, straining his ears to listen.

And for the first time, he hears nothing.

It had stopped.

The Beast had stopped.

And then...

Humming.

He can hear someone humming outside the door. It is not a horrible or monstrous sound, as is usual for the Beast, but serene and calm.

The boy's hand trembles uncontrollably as he reaches down and grasps the red knob. It is surprisingly warm to the touch, yet cool at the same time. Slowly, ever so slowly, the knob twists as the boy opens the door.

Sunlight pours from the sky as the day begins it's end, the last dying rays of another lost yesterday painting the sky a vibrant orange. The boy is standing on the edge of a lake, the water softly swirling around his feet as the tide pulls in and out.

"Hm hm hm hm-hm hm hm-hm!"

The boy turns his eyes away from the water that is stretched out before him, to see another, older boy. One with silver hair. He's perched on a peculiar looking statue, an angel perhaps, except where there should have been a head on the statue there was now a stump. The way it's stooped over gives it an almost animalistic appearance that goes hand in hand with it's broken, sad wings. Something just seems...off about it.

The older boy stops his humming and opens his eyes. His eyes are a vibrant red, almost like spilled blood. He turns from his precarious perch to the young boy, a calm smile on his face.

"Hello," he says, that same calm smile never leaving his face "I'm glad you've finally come. It's been rather boring all by myself. I'll admit, I was getting pretty lonely."

All the young boy can do is stare at the older one. This wasn't the monster he had always heard in his mind, the monster he had always feared. This was a boy, just like him.

Alone like him.

The older boy is now kneeling in front of him, red eyes gazing into red. Slowly, the older boy gently cups his face, then leans forward until their foreheads are touching. His skin is cool and soft, like the wind.

Suddenly, images begin to flash in front of the younger boys eyes.

A capsule, full of orange liquid. Sounds of machinery coming to life. A sense of pain. The words SEELE written in glowing crimson and shrouded in darkness. A silver Evangelion, it's back split open, waiting for the key that will bring it to life. A bright red entry plug with a name written on it's side.

The name Kaworu Nagisa.

The young boy opens his eyes with a gasp as the truth flows into him from the older boy. The older one stands up, and reaches his hand out to the other with a bright smile on his face.

"It's time. He's waiting for us."

The younger boy takes his hand and nods with a smile.

Together, they walk through a doorway of light.

Behind them, the statue of the angel crumbles and turns to dust.

-

An Anti AT- Field.

For what reason it had been deployed, she didn't know. She could feel his human side slowly slipping away as it began to cave in on itself, giving in to the alluring thought of... of something more. Tears fell from her eyes, running down her light brown skin as she felt him suffer, his other side attempting to pull away from the hold it had on him. All for nothing as it pressed itself closer to his desires.

Then it found it. Like a practiced musician perfectly tunes a stubborn instrument, it discovered the thing he feared above all else, the one thing that so many of the Lillim were afraid of.

Loneliness.

A sob was wrenched from her chest as she felt his mental walls crumble under this new onslaught of emotional attacks.

_Why him, s_he bitterly thought to herself. _Better yet, why any of them? _

She felt a rush of air behind her and nearly lept out of her skin as a large hand clamped down on her shoulder.

She whipped around, her long white hair formed a broken halo around her head. Twin swords that glowed with an inner luminescence flashed in the waning moonlight and pressed themselves against flesh.

"Whoa, whoa! Easy now girl, it's just me!" a baritone voice exclaimed.

She blinked a few times as she realized who the voice and hand belonged to, and she slowly lowered her swords from his neck. He was a well-built man, perhaps six feet tall, with long snow-white hair mixed with streaks of black that fell to the middle of his back. He was dressed in the same attire as herself: a long pure white cloak over an assortment of black robes, similar to the kimonos that were worn by the people of this land. Her lips twitched down into a frown, and she flipped her thin swords around her hands in an eerily fluid motion. Then, faster than the eye could see, they were gone; as if the blades themselves had evaporated into the cool night air.

The man gingerly rubbed his neck, checking to make sure that his head really was still firmly seated on it. "A bit jumpy are we?" he asked, a grin spreading across his face.

She rolled her eyes at him and returned her attention back to the man hovering in front of the abomination. "What do you want Bach?" she said, barely suppressing her annoyance at being caught in such a state of emotional weakness. "I hope you know that I'm not in the mood for any of your foolishness."

He sidled up next to her, his large form easily overshadowing her smaller, more delicate one. A long silence ensued, broken only by the few sounds of the creatures that roam the earth by night. For awhile they merely stood there, watching fate unravel itself before the silver form of the Evangelion.

"You can feel it too, can't you?" the woman asked after some time. All of the previous edge her voice had carried was gone, replaced by the pained tone of a person that is forced to bare witness to something they'd rather not.

The man looked at her, his eyes full of understanding. "Yes, perhaps even earlier than you have Frenalia," a long sigh followed these words, the same sigh of a man who must carry the burden of a rather large and cumbersome weight on his shoulders. "and you know as well as I do that it has to be done this way."

Frenalia wheeled around to face him, and in the bright moonlight he saw just how much this ordeal was affecting her. Her beautiful face had been drawn into a mask of grief, her eyes were sunken holes of despair with nothing but a flickering flame of hope left in them. He tried to place his hand on her shoulder to comfort her, but she pushed it away.

"Why!" she screamed at him. "Why does it have to be like this!" her voice had become choked and tears glistened in her eyes, but her face remained a mask of hatred.

"Frenalia.." he said softly. He tried to put his arms around her, but she quickly stepped away, turning her back on him.

"Do you know what he has to go through?" her voice was trembling, full of barely suppressed emotion.

"Frenalia I-"

"Answer me Bach, no more games! Tell me why!" her screams echoed through the night. She dropped to her knees, her face hidden in her hands. Sobs racked her slender body, causing her to visibly tremble. "Do you _know_ what he has to go through, what they all have to go through! Do you know what's going to happen to the **_children_** tomorrow Bach! You know, don't you?!?"

He knelt down to her, enveloping her in his arms. She tried to fight back, to reject any form of comfort that might smother the grief she was feeling. But in the end her emotional walls crumbled and she was reduced to a trembling, shaken child.

"It's okay," he whispered to her "everything's gonna be alright, you'll see." He lifted her face up from his chest and wiped the tears from her eyes. "You just have to have a little faith in them, that's all." He could see she was fighting within herself, trying to decide what to do. She lowered her head, determined not to let him see the fresh tears that threatened to tumble from her eyes.

"Okay." she said, barely above a whisper.

"That's my girl," he said, fool's grin returning in full bloom. "now what do you say about getting out of here? The others are expecting us soon."

"Okay." she repeated. She stood up abruptly, her face a stoic mask. She blinked a few times, as if removing a particularly annoying sliver of dust from her eye. Her soft hands combed through her hair in an attempt to make herself at least somewhat presentable.

Bach blinked a few times, dumbfounded at the emotional turn around. She had begun as an emotionally troubled woman, then in a snap

_Sweet Jesus, Mary, and JoJo the Carpenter, miracles really do happen!_

she had returned to her normal, intimidating and powerful self. Bach shrugged to himself. He could never understand women, no matter how hard he tried. All that ever came out of it was a

"Bach?"

headache or (if you were considerably unlucky) a swift kick to the crotch; most definitely not something to be envied over. Better leave that uncharted territory to braver souls. Hmm...maybe he'd experiment one of these day-

"Bach!!"

He snapped out of his trance. Back into cold, harsh, unloving reality with you young man! Funny, he never remembered the world being so, well, _brown_. And since when did it smell like...jasmine? And why was everything picking up spee-

BAM!!!

Oh, that's why.

After a few moments of observing a variety of constellations flash in front of him, Bach's mind finally registered the unusual feeling his face was experiencing, and responded with the appropriate neural reaction.

That is to say, intense and brutal pain.

"OWWWW!!" he cried, clutching his nose. It felt as if a sledgehammer had just unkindly planted itself into his face. "Damn! I t'ink you broke somethin'! You 'ave one hell of a righ' hook little missy!"

"Are you going to open a way through, or should I just leave you to your daydreaming?" Frenalia said, massaging her knuckles. "And stop calling me "little missy", you know I don't like that."

Bach started to snicker.

Frenalia blinked. "What?"

He shook his head. "Nothing, you just look so cute when you're irritated."

SMACK!

Oh boy, more stars.

"Just shut up and open a way through already."

With much grumbling he slowly stood up, making a show of brushing non-existent dirt off of his white and black kimono look-alike; as if he had just returned from a rather long and grueling battle.

"Fine, fine, just stop hitting me. I think I lost a few teeth from the last one." he said, massaging his jaw. A glare from her that he swore could melt metal prompted him to shut it.

With an exaggerated sigh he closed his eyes and extended his hand out in front of him, like a mime trapped in an invisible box. Back and forth the mime's hands go, moving around the box of imagination. Except his (who can say?) is real, or at least real to him. He lightly runs his hand along the invisible wall, searching for something. A hole that the ingenious builder of such an inescapable prison forgot to plug perhaps? Or maybe a crack, left by the futile attempts of the last mime who had enough courage to face this conundrum of sight?

Or maybe, just maybe, it's a Slit.

There's something strange about that word that makes him unconsciously think of it with a capital S, rather than the mediocre lower case. Frustrating, like a word that you just can't place, yet it's dancing on the tip of your tongue, mocking you. It was somehow frightening, that word, like the ghostly touch of darkness when the moon is down and the hour is none and the things of fear come out to play.

Yes a Slit, that will do nicely.

A Slit that if you were to find it, and grip it not only with your hands, but your mind as well, it would be forced to-

A strange sound, like a distorted rip, echoes through the world of the living as reality was forced to move aside as easily as a curtain being drawn to unveil an embarrassing flaw of design. Bach smiled as the space in front of them seemed to somehow _twist_ and contort into itself, leaving behind a hole of such absolute darkness that it put the very night to shame.

"Voila!" Bach exclaimed, brushing his hands together to (once again) clean them of non-existent dirt. "One Grade-A hole in the universal plane of existence, as her ladyship ordered." he gave a roguish bow, then offered his arm to her. "Shall we?" he asked, flashing her one of his trademark smiles.

Frenalia looked first at the newly created hole in reality, then back at the distant form of Unit-04. She seemed to make up her mind, and with a defeated look in her red eyes she wrapped not one, but both of her arms around Bach's considerably larger one. This gesture did not go unnoticed by Bach, who had been weighing the situation with a heavy feeling in his heart. With a half-hearted sigh of defeat, followed by a small chuckle, he reached out to the gateway and lightly touched the opening. The obsidian surface rippled like water, then stilled.

_I just know I'm going to get scolded for this. Again._

His gaze shifts to Frenalia tightly holing onto his arm. He smiles.

_Still, I think it'll be worth it._

With a stunned look Frenalia watched as mirror images of both herself and Bach appeared inside the gate. She looked up at him, her eyes searching his for an answer. With a lopsided grin he returned her stare, then once again reached out to the hole. Except this time, rather than lightly touch, he reached into the gate, grabbed the very darkness of the opening, and _pulled_. With the sound of rushing air returning into the world of reality, the gateway closed in on itself and vanished.

Still holding the smile on his face, Bach took Frenalia's hands from his arm and held them in his own.

"But-" Frenalia began, but Bach softly placed a finger on her lips to silence her.

"I hate seeing you cry," he said softly, his hand moving from her lips to rest on her light brown cheek, "besides, I wouldn't miss this for the world. And it's not like we've never been late before."

"We're going to get scolded again," she says.

A small laugh. Then silence.

"I know."

Then the world lit up as a monster of destiny struggled against the chains that bound it to fate, and dominance over the man that held the key to it all.

-

_**The sound**_

She was crying, wasn't she?

_**The sound of insanity**_

That woman...

_**The sound of a tuning fork lightly striking against metal, it's small voice singing through the epicenter of human consciousness, obliterating pain, awakening insanity.**_

Where...am I?

_**The sound of fate breathing down your neck as it wraps it's hands around your throat.**_

No...go away.

_**It squeezes and squeezes, it just won't let go. It's forcing the breath out of your lungs. But it's not really your breath, but your hopes, your dreams, your self.**_

Quite, I can't hear the bells...

_It's here, it's here, it's here!_

Hush now darling, I want to listen.

_Come on! Come on you ugly bastard! I'm right here!_

No...I don't want to remember.

_Who are you, really?_

Hush now...

_Why, I'm whoever you want me to be!_

I can't hear it...you're making it go away.

_How about a name?_

Hush now...

_But what's in a name, but a story to tell?_

Hush...

_Okay, okay... you win. I guess I'm just shy around beautiful girls such as yourself._

Blushing...biological reaction to embarrassment. Blood, heat.

_Really? You don't seem like the shy type._

Blood...

_Ah, but a man must have his secrets._

Blood on the walls...

_Alright. If I tell you mine, will you tell me yours?_

_**Messages. The arguments against insanity. Words whispered in the night and read by the light of the moon.**_

_Hmmm...sounds like a plan._

Hush!!!

_I'm Misato Katsuragi._

You hush now!!!

_Misato is it? What a lovely name._

DON'T!!!

_Thanks..._

Blushing..

_Your turn.._

DON'T MAKE ME REMEMBER!!!

_Of course, after all it's only fair._

LEAVE ME ALONE!!!

_My name is_

I DON'T WANT TO GO BACK!!!

Do you want to remember Roland?

Yes...I do.

NO I DON'T!!

Don't listen to it Roland, come back to me. Follow the sound of my voice. Follow the children's voices.

GO AWAY DAMN YOU!!!

I want to go...

I WANT TO STAY HERE!!!

Asuka, Shinji, Rei, remember them Roland.

GET THE HELL AWAY!!

Misato...?

Misato's here.

NO NO NO NO!!!!

Remember what you're fighting for...

_My name is_

Remember what makes it all worth it.

LEAVE ME ALONE!!

Remember them.

_**The sound of insanity as it lightly strikes the melody of the tuning fork. The messages on the walls, written in red. The light, the dark. Mixing together to create shadow, balance. Balance is death. Death is balance. The Balance of Death softly ripples through the darkling view of the majestically complex, yet simplistically sorrowful exchange of reality.**_

_My name is_

_**Names... The nameless ones. The ones who watch the rippling view of the world as the God dies and all fades in the dusk of eternity.**_

_My name is_

_**Adam of the White, Lillith of the Red, they all had a fight and wound up dead!**_

Seraphim. The ever changing Lillim.

_**Lillim is Angel, Angel is Lillim. Lillim is Man. Man is Angel. These things I know, yet I am confused. For if this is true, then what am I? I do not understand...**_

Enemies...

_**The fruits of Life and Wisdom. Enemy. Reality is the Enemy. Loneliness is the enemy, yet my friend.**_

Remember Roland. Please remember us...

_**The Lillim are the Enemy. Lillith is the Enemy. Lillith is the Traitor. Thus, the Lillim are traitors.**_

But am I really a traitor, Roland?

_**But... If this true... Then what am I?**_

_My name is_

"_Well, you're late."_

_**Death. A man lying in a pool of red as his body dies and long ago memories begin to stir within his soul.**_

"_Who am I?"_

_**Rebirth. Light, as one life melds into the other as easily as water flowing from a glass and the waves of a tuning fork spill into the world.**_

Remember Roland...

_**Remember.**_

_My name is_

...Okay.

-

The room is still. The piano is once again silent. Outside, people are beginning to file out onto the campus grounds in a mad dash to reach one destination or another. The sun is beginning to set, it's soft rays casting a warm hue on the world of the past.

He looks at her, she looks at him.

He accidentally sets his elbow on the bright white keys. The silence is broken, no,_ shattered_, by what has got to be the most horrid chord ever played.

She smiles.

He grins sheepishly. He's nervous.

Why is he nervous? He doesn't know. He just knows that there's something about this girl, something he can't quite place. Like how the sunlight streaming into the room lightly reflects off of her hair. How the small cross around her neck sways back and forth as she plays. The way her fingers seem to dance their path along the keys of the piano. How she smiles and laughs. And how she's looking at him right now.

He relaxes. His smile softens.

"_My name is Ryoji Kaji." _

"_It's a pleasure to meet you, Misato."_

_-_

_**A/N: Sorry, I know it was shorter, but I just couldn't resist leaving it off here. I had about six more pages written for this chapter, but I've decided to split them up since I don't want them to be so long they're boring. **_

_**Thanks to sailorveggie and Dei-Chan for sticking buy me through this. You guys are great!**_

_**Oh, and be ready for more of that good old Eva crazy stuff (including a Pen-Pen Omake!!) in the next chapter! Stay tuned, things are gonna heat up from here.**_

_**As always, thanks for reading and please, don't forget to review!**_


	4. Tuning

**A/N: Next chapter heathens!! I apologize that it took so long... but that's okay!! It's all good. **

**Now... Get to it!!**

**Disclaimer: Don't sue me Gainax, I'm still poor...**

**-**

_Many a time has a lone soul looked into the mirror and asked "Who am I?"._

_And the reflection does not answer, but merely asks the same question._

**-**

**Chapter 3: Tuning**

-

It's started to rain outside, but Rei doesn't mind. In fact, it may just be the most wonderful thing she has ever felt.

Oh she's felt the rain many times; Tokyo-3 hits a good storm every once in awhile. But she'd always thought that rain was an unnecessary annoyance; merely nature attempting to let the creatures of it's domain know that it was still fully capable of manipulating their so-called "haven".

But not tonight. No, tonight everything feels different.

For her, everything has changed.

She can hear the frustrated pitter-patter argument the drops make as they exuberantly strike against the roofs of houses. Her ears pick up the tantalizingly soft, silent lullaby the wind sings as it weaves it's dance through the air and along her body, caressing it with gentle touches.

It's a warm night, so the drops that soak through her clothes and the pale skin beneath them feel more like a pleasant bath, rather than a frigid drench. She tilts her head back and runs her hands through her hair, letting the rain soak through it. Small runnels of water cascade down her back, her chest, everywhere. A small, pleased smile touches her lips.

It is absolutely wonderful.

The world seems to sing to her, the very night stands on edge waiting to embrace her like a long lost child. She not only sees things, but actually _feels_ them. Feels them in a way she has never experienced before.

Her vision seems to shift from reality, to a strange and beautiful landscape of endless luminance. Everything is bathed in a wonderful light that comes from nowhere, yet everywhere. The air is full of distorted ripples and waves of color that bend and twist as they resonate against each other.

It takes her awhile to realize that what she is seeing is the thought of others or...something like thought. And even then she doesn't know how she knows that. Only that it's the truth.

And it doesn't bother her the slightest. The ripples are different, but are just as sensual as the rain against her skin, and somehow more comforting. She reached her hand out to one of the passing waves of light and smiles as it gently brushed up against her skin. Her mind is overloaded with...with..._with something_. She can't describe it, only that it makes her feel as if she's about to burst.

After all, Rei had never truly felt happiness.

As the feeling of joy soared through her body like an electric current, she started to do something that she had never done before.

Rei begins to hum.

It's a song that she has heard only once or twice, when a boy known as Kaworu Nagisa had been present for their school quartet recitals. Ever since he had first picked up his bow and played the few opening notes of the song, she had been entranced by it. It was a simple melody, neither hard or easy, but somewhere in between.

She had asked him the name of it after the first time he had played.

"_It's The Ode To Joy."_ he had said in his soft voice that seemed to possess it's own musical resonance._ "Do you like it?" _

She had merely nodded as he grinned at her, pleased that she enjoyed it. It was a name she had found completely fitting for the wonderful sound that he coaxed from his instrument.

"_Then I shall play it for you." _but that time his voice full of music and eyes full of knowing had been soft and brimming with sadness. _"It is the least that I could do for you."_

Everyday they had a recital he remembered to play the song for her. His red eyes so like her own, yet so different, always watched her as a small smile would form on her pale lips.

She wore the same smile now as she walked, the sound of her humming joining the drip of the rain. At first it had been a bit off; it had been awhile since the last time she'd heard it. But soon enough she found it again, and her smile widened into a dazzling display of happiness.

The melody filled her world.

Everything sang to her in their silent voices, joining her humming. Every time a rain drop struck the ground a note rang through the night. Every instance her shoes struck the pavement there was a crescendo. Every moment that the stars sparkled in the sky there was a surge of chorus. All around her the world became saturated in the song, the melodies and harmonies blending together as they formed a beautiful symphony of life.

She remembered. She remembered everything.

The first time he said hello, his eyes wary and lost. The first time she yelled at her, demanding her to speak.

The first time he touched her, his eyes wide with fear. The first time she slapped her, calling her a doll.

The first time he smiled, tears in his eyes. The first time she cried, blaming the world, the sky, anything but herself.

And slowly, tears fell from Rei's red eyes, adding their own sad timber to the music of the world.

And through those tears, Rei Ayanami realized something. Something that had never presented itself to her before tonight. Something that both frightened and excited her.

If life was as wonderful as the music said it was, then she did not want to be torn away from it. Not when she was finally able to hear it.

Rei Ayanami realized, that for the first time in her life, she did not want to die.

_Then don't._

But tomorrow would bring death, no matter what she tried to do. Tomorrow, everything would fade away, and all would be as one when the God was born. She could not change that.

_Fate is not set to a permanent shape. Like most threads in the tapestry of time, it can be unraveled._

She knew the truth. The truth about the Commander's plans, the truth written behind the twisting construct that was the Systema Sephiroticum. Her fate was irreversibly sealed.

Wasn't it?

_Death is merely a doorway to rebirth._ _If you want to live, then live. If you wish to die, then die. It is your choice. _

"My...choice?"

_Yes. This is the one truth which the Lilim have been given that remains absolute. The power of choice, of free will. The last true gift that I was able to give my children. The one true weapon against the darkness that cripples the soul and pulls at the corners of reality. _

"But I have no will."

_Are you a puppet, my child?_

"I do not know."

_Then gaze above you little puppet, and peer into the rafters of life. See the one who holds your strings as you play the part of the marionette._

A flash of cold eyes. A voice in the dark, beckoning to her. Commanding her to heed it's will.

"I... I do not know how..."

_Take your will child, your will to live. Though new, it is still your desire, your choice. _

"My...will?"

_Take it, and cut through the threads that bind you to his plans._

Cold eyes, cold hands, cold mind. A cold smile that barely hinted a touch of warmth. Warmth for something else, someone beyond her.

_You still have much work to do. Now is the time to take your first step forward. Shinji and Asuka will need you to be there for them when it comes. _

_The time when the God dies and all fades into the dusk of eternity. _

_The time when those who observe become those who act._

As the heavens continued their crying, as the fluid rain continued it's argument against the unyielding solid world, Rei Ayanami opened her eyes.

It is hard to say what light shone in her eyes; only that it shone clear and strong and with purpose.

Silver hair, red eyes. A flash of a cynical smile. A soft song coaxed from wood and bow.

"Free will." she quietly whispered, though no one was around to hear her. After all, the dead stay dead.

Whether we want them to or not.

She looked down at her hand, clenched and unclenched it; much like she had seen him do so many times. She closes her eyes.

As the dawn began to peek through the dark iron gray shroud of clouds, the sound of a single snip rings true.

As one lone puppet reached up, and cut it's strings.

-

The scream that follows is one that he will never forget.

It is the cry of the human and the inhuman, of the forgotten and the remembered, of the destroyer and the destroyed. It shakes him to the very bone as it rips through the world like a nightmare let loose to prey on the fragile thoughts of dreamers. He grits his teeth and clenches his fists as sharp, tiny needles claw their way into his head and prick at his mind.

Frenalia is even worse. She's on the ground, curled into a ball with her hands covering her ears, trying to block that awful sound out. Her eyes are wide and bloodshot, with barely a hint of sanity left in them. It's that feral look, the look of a crazed animal forced into a corner that stirs fear in Bach's heart.

He tries to kneel down to her, willing his mind to erect a barrier around them, but it's so hard. The sound seems to be warping time itself, everything is moving slower, or maybe it's just his mind being overwhelmed by that godforsaken noise, whichever. He doesn't know, at this point he doesn't even care. All he cares about is getting to her before her mind is boiled away and he's left with nothing but an empty and hollow shell.

Slowly, he kneels down to her and gently picks her up, cradling her against himself, his mind frantically working to extend it's barrier around them. But everything is so god damn _slow _and-

Then the fear that has gripped his heart now fully takes hold of it and squeezes.

Frenalia starts to scream.

It's a sound that frightens him even more than the cry of that man, that _thing, _that twisting monstrosity of tainted light, evercouldThe world seems to glaze over, the edges of things becoming fuzzy and distorted.

He tightly presses her against himself in a frantic attempt to calm her, but she just keeps screaming. And what's funny is that it doesn't even sound like her anymore, more like a primal part of her had been awakened and is wailing it's heart out at the cruel pain and torture that it's being subjected to. Unable to understand or fathom the reasons why, but screaming all the same.

There's something wet on his hand, the one that's cradling her head against him. He knows what it is even before he looks at it. He can smell it. The sharp smell of copper and something else, something more pungent.

Looking at his hand he sees that it's stained red, just like the front of his black and white kimono where her head is resting with her face pressed up against his chest. He lifts her head up, knowing what he will see, but feels a chill run through him all the same.

Her nose is bleeding, no, _gushing,_ her ears too, which would explain the blood on his hand. Crimson tears run down her face in small runnels. But that's not the worst of it, that's not what makes him so scared that he's shaking.

What makes him so afraid is that were her left eye used to be, that beautiful scarlet orb, there is now only a gaping empty hole. Directly below it on her cheek is another hole of the same size, as if they were made by the same weapon. A voice from the far past speaks out to him as he stares at her.

_She took the Prototype?! How is that possible?!_

And she's _smiling._ The blood from her nose is coating her lips, turning that disturbing smile into the revoltingly sadistic grin of a clown. And that hole, it's being stretched right along with the upward slope of her lips, though no blood spills from it. The flesh around and inside it looks rotten and charred, and is as black as night.

And then he's screaming too. And the part of his mind, the one that's bolts haven't been shaken loose by fear, thinks that they'll just keep screaming. Frenalia, himself, and that _thing, _that creature of pure light, they'll just go on screaming forever and ever, till the sky rents open, the sands of time cease their endless flowing, and the universe collapses in on itself in it's final throes of death.

Then, in that fuzzy, _unreal_ feeling of the world, he begins to dream.

_An impossibly long lance, dual prongs so sharp they could pierce through the very defenses of the mind, blood red in color. Except-_

Adam of the White, Lilith of the Red, they all had a fight and wound up dead!!

_it didn't used to be red, did it?_

_No._

_It was once white. As terrifyingly white as the skin of the creature that had wielded it. Before Lilith made her choice, before any of them had made the choice. Before the very laws of the universe had been thrown aside like so much useless garbage. Before-_

"Begin the fusion process."

"Beginning fusion process. All systems are go."

_they had found it._

"Adam has accepted the Lance, all ego borders are green, no sign of AT reaction in the core. Physical DNA fusion has begun."

_The Lilim._

_They were fools to think they could subject such a creature to their will. But without it, they would have perished. And still, so many people had died._

_All for the pursuit of what? Knowledge? Power?_

_God?_

_And really, was it worth it?_

So there's no changing your mind? Fine, you've made your choice. I hope that it's the right one.

_I wonder Lilith, what will you choose this time?_

_And what about that boy? The one that you seem to place so much trust in?_

_(silence)_

_Alright, I trust you. I just hope you're right._

Then something like a shockwave rushed through the air and everything seemed to _shift_ slightly. That odd feeling of distortion that had subtlety slipped itself over the world like a glove vanished as reality resumed its proper role.

The last thing he sees before he loses consciousness is Frenalia's face, no longer blood-soaked and ruined, but whole and fine, save for the tears of pain that course from her eyes and down her cheeks. It will occur to him after he's woken up, that maybe all that he saw was merely a hallucination of his own mind. Or maybe it wasn't? Who can tell?

_Things are definitely getting interesting._ he thinks before the darkness claims him for it's own.

-

He was running again, though this time he doesn't get the pleasure of knowing what it is that's chasing him. Not like last time. Not when he was the one playing the part of the chaser, the one shrouded in darkness and fear.

Well, that's not entirely the truth. He knows what's chasing him, just as much as he knows that the book he clutches to his chest is full of words written by a hand from the past. He knows, because what's chasing him is exactly that. Himself.

Oh sure, he calls it himself. Though the actual truth of the matter is far different than that. He's only named it himself because his mind cannot grasp it's true identity. All he knows is that it is him, yet at the same time not him.

"_Hey, mind if I take that weight off your hands?" _

It's voice is not at all violent or laced with hidden threats, as one would think, given it's history. Rather, it is the voice of an old friend, though sinewed with a tone of bored cynicism mixed with just a light touch of malice.

"_Come now Roland, you're getting tired again. Let me take it for a moment, and let you rest."_

But he can't. He can't let it have it. He doesn't know why. All he knows is that if he lets go of the thing he clutches to his chest, the book written by no one, everything might fall apart.

Then the light will come again, engulfing him in it's darkness.

_I can't let that happen. I have to hurry, I have to get to them. They need me._

"_Why do they need you, Roland?" _it asks in it's eerily calm voice._ "They despise themselves, those pitiful, retched creatures. They're better off dying when the God succumbs to the boy's view, and all fades into the dusk of eternity." _

_I can't. I have to go on. I have to keep going, keep moving._

"_Why? Why do you insist on sacrificing so much?"_

_Because._

"My name is Ryoji Kaji. It's a pleasure to meet you."

_Because _he _wouldn't give up. Not now. Not when everything is finally falling into place. Not when the children would need him most._

A high cackle raked its claws across the air, as the Other began to laugh like Roland had just said the funniest thing in the world.

"_The children!! Now that's a good one! Those children wish for death, Roland!! Nothing more! Nothing but the cold, clammy hands of fate's sweet reaper! Everything that _**HE**_ tried, it's all been for _**NOTHING**_!! Those children are no better than before!! Those pathetic souls will gladly choose their own demise over a chance at hope!!"_

_That's not true. He still didn't give up on them. He still tried. He kept the truth alive. He gave them a fighting chance._

"_Yes, and look where _that_ got him." _it placed it's hand over it's chest, it's face twisted in mock pain._ "A bullet through the heart, and not one cigarette to enjoy upon his parting from the living." _it smirked._ "Such a shame. Must of sucked at the end."_

_Still. Still, I have to go on. Have to keep running._

"_You're a fool among fools, Roland Kamina."_ it sighed.

_I'd rather be a fool, than a murderer among pacifists. _

"_Or a sheep among wolves." _

_I still have to do it. I still have to make it. We promised, remember?_

"_No, _you_ promised. I just happened to go along with it." _it said smugly.

_Right._

"_You know, you're going to need my help soon, when the others begin to move. It's no good resisting me like this. You should let me help you, while we can still maintain some form of control over it."_

_I suppose that I'll have to, in the end. I don't have much choice._

"_Right. After all, I am you." _it added, smiling.

_No, no you're not. You may look like me, act like me, talk like me, but you're not me. You're much closer to that light than I chose to be._

"_Still as stubborn as ever I see?" _it frowned, it's complexion growing dark._ "Fine. I expected nothing less from you, Roland Kamina. You'll learn soon enough."_

As Roland passed through the doorway of light, still holding the book to his chest, the Other smiled. He turned away from the fading light as the door began to close, once more engulfing his world in everlasting darkness.

A flicker of light and a small flame, as the Other lit a cigarette; his wine red eyes reflecting the orange glow cast from it's burning tip. His lips pulled back in a wry smile.

His eyes narrowed suddenly, his voice cold and hard as he stared into the burning tip of the cigarette._"Don't get too comfortable Roland. I won't take no for an answer this time. They'll be here soon, and I'm not going to wait like before."_

And with that final warning, he vanished; as the walls around Roland's mind came shooting up, once again dividing them. Only his voice rang through the darkness.

"_All that matters now, is time."_

_-_

Evangelion Unit 05 growled in frustration as it tipped it's wings to the left, preparing to enter another lazy turn. It hissed slightly as the pressure difference it's wings made with the air caused a trail of vapor to extend from the memory plastic tip, tracing it's circular route in the sky. It was not in a good mood.

Well, as good a mood as any mindless killing machine could be in.

Something was wrong at the commanding station. It hadn't received any type of order in some time. It was getting anxious. It's prey was right below it. Why wasn't it allowed to attack?

It's claw like hands clenched in anticipation. It's jaws gnashed on the night air, drool secreting from it's lips. It wanted to sink it's teeth into it's prey, wanted to feel it's flesh rent and tear under it's strength. Wanted to hear it's dying screams of terror.

It spread out it's field of sensors, in case some change had occurred. It found nothing. Though it still felt bothered. Earlier, something had occurred. Something that, for all it's sophisticated sensory, it could not understand. At the same time the "disturbance" had occurred, Unit 05 had lost contact with the commanding station.

It once again focused it's sensors on Unit 04. The small biological reading it had detected before had been gone for some time now. To where, it did not know. It was of little importance to the killing machine. All that mattered was that Unit 04 was still silent.

It was a sitting duck, helpless to defend itself.

Why then had they not been allowed to proceed? By now they could have had Unit 04 strewn across the ground in various assortments of flesh and bone.

Growling angrily, it banked into another turn. It's brethren moving in perfect sync with it.

-

The first sensation he had when he woke up was the feeling of something wet. Something that smelled eerily similar to blood.

His body convulsed violently as he inhaled deeply, only to feel something that wasn't quite water pour down his throat. A few bubbles of air escaped from his mouth as he nearly screamed in surprise. Slowly, he relaxed as he realized he could still breathe. Even though his lungs were now occupied by foul smelling liquid.

"LCL." he coughed, releasing the few air bubbles still trapped in his lungs. "I'm in an entry plug. Unit 04? When did I...? "

Roland blinked in confusion, trying to get the black spots at the corner of his vision to recede. He felt horrible. His whole body burned like someone has just raked him over the coals of hell's largest furnace. He shook his head, trying to clear it, then stopped as the world spun and threated to plunge him back into the dark. He tried to lift his arm up to hold his head in reflex, but froze when he felt something in it shift, then snap.

This time he really did scream.

He doubled over, holding his arm as his mind was pulverized by a pain so great, it dispelled all thought from his mind. Only the pain existed.

Slowly, oh so slowly, the searing pain ebbed away, to be replaced by a dull ache. In a long sigh, he released the breath he didn't even realize he had been holding. He winced. "Okay, so maybe moving isn't such a good idea."

Then he saw it.

"Oh god." he whispered, his eyes wide with fear.

In the dark entry plug, floating in the LCL, was a piece of metal. But not just any piece of metal. He knew that if it wasn't charred and black, it would be the same gold as the metal that covered his arm.

"Oh no."

Instantly he lifted up his left arm, oblivious to the pain his body grudgingly sends his brain. A sharp gasp escaped from his lips as he took in the sight before him.

The lustrous gold of the gauntlet that almost entirely covered his left arm was now black and burnt; as if someone decided to roast his arm in molten fire. The metal, rather than smooth and perfect, was twisted and bent, giving it an almost grotesque look. The five talons that cover his fingers didn't help with the image either. It was like something out of a child's nightmare.

But that's not what scares him.

What truly scares him, that keeps him awake at night, is what lies beneath the metal. That horrible secret imprisoned by walls of armor and flesh.

He quickly covered the place where the metal was missing from, forcing his eyes away from his arm.

"Don't look at it Roland." he whispered to himself, his body shaking. "Whatever you do, don't look at it." drawing in a deep breath, he concentrated on the floating pieces of metal in the LCL. Though he was focusing with what little energy he had left, they only managed to twitch in the foul smelling liquid.

He gritted his teeth. "I mustn't run away. I mustn't run away."

Slowly the pieces began to move as he lifted up his arm, coming to rest just above the missing areas of metal. With a final push of his mind the fragments fitted back into place on the armor, like jigsaw pieces fitting into their places on an elaborate puzzle.

He nearly slumped forward in relief, as he felt the fragments reconnect with the rest of his arm. He leaned back into the entry plugs seat with a sigh.

For the first time since he awoke, he took a look at his surroundings. The entry plug was dark, the walls a dull gray metal. He gently lifted up his arms and took hold of the handles on either sides of his legs. The metal was cool to the touch and somehow comforting.

Suddenly, the walls of the plug came to life in a series of light, nerve synapses, and swirling color.

"Whoa..." he breathed, as the visual spectacle came to an end, replaced by a view of the outside world. He turned his head left and right, the view of the world shifting with him as he moved. He sat back in the plug seat, slightly overwhelmed.

"Is this what you see Shinji?" he whispered. "Eva's world?"

He closed his eyes as he felt something else, an alien presence, connect with his mind. It was not an unpleasant sensation, more like putting on a new shirt or pair of shoes. It felt...rather good actually. For some reason, he couldn't shake the odd sensation he was feeling.

The feeling that he had been doing this all his life.

He opened his eyes as a soft hand touched his arm. In front of him, hovering a few feet above the plug cockpit, were two boys. They both had silver hair and red eyes, though one was significantly younger than the other. The younger of the two was hiding behind the older one, almost like a shy child afraid to meet a stranger. Roland smiled as the boy gently coaxed the younger one from behind him, holding his hand like an older brother.

"That feeling just now, it was the sync right? The sync to you two." Roland asked.

The older boy smiled and nodded. He gestured to himself and his younger twin, then to Roland.

"So that's why I can see you? Because we're connected?"

The boy once again nodded. Then his face became a scowl. He tapped on his wrist, in the place one might expect to find a watch. Then he pointed out of the plug's view screen, into the night air.

Roland nodded "I know. I'm sorry I couldn't get here sooner. Something...came up."

The older boy nodded, then shrugged. As if to say "what can you do?".

Roland nearly jumped out of his skin as he felt small hands lightly touching the metal on his left hand. His whole arm was ultra sensitive, like it was covered in needles. He gritted his teeth in pain as the younger of the two boys slowly ran his hands along the charred and twisted armor. His touch felt like fire. The boy looked up, questioning him with his red eyes.

Roland smiled, trying to quell the boys worries. "I don't know what happened really. All I know is that it was something bad." he looked up at the older boy, who was watching the exchange with a smile. Though the look in his eyes said that he knew Roland was lying.

The young boy nodded, satisfied with the answer. He smiled, then placed both hands on the twisted metal and closed his eyes. Roland felt an oddly familiar wave of warmth flow from his finger tips up to his shoulder. He gasped, as a wave of cool sensations flowed throughout his arm, deadening the pins and needles feeling. He lifted it up, flexing the broken and bent talons that were his fingers, shocked silent by the lack of pain. "Thanks..." Roland said, dumbfounded.

The young boy smiled, proud of his job well done as Roland stared at his arm. He stood up, then floated through the LCL over to his twin.

After a few moments of silence, Roland finally found his voice. "So." he asked, scratching his head. "Now what?"

The older of the twins tapped his finger on his chin, looking thoughtful. Finally, he shrugged.

Roland blinked. "You don't know?"

The boy shook his head, then pointed at Roland with an authoritative face.

"Me?" Roland asked, putting a hand on his chest. "Who said I knew what to do? I wouldn't be asking if I did!"

The boy shrugged again, then threw his hands up in the air in a pleading gesture. As if to ask why the heavens had bestowed such a simpleton onto him.

Roland nearly exploded. "Why should I know what to do!" he slammed his fist into one of the handles, startling the boys. "Why do I always have to know everything?! I don't even know why I'm here or what I'm doing! I'm expected to do all these things, and I don't even know who I am!"

He laughed dryly. "You know, I don't think I've ever even met Asuka, Shinji, or Rei before. But I know so much about them." he gestured to the plug. "I didn't even know this was here, yet I came here. More like pulled here, actually." he sat forward in the seat. "I don't know who I am or where I came from. The Magi have no recorded data on a 'Roland Kamina'. I don't exist."

He looked up at the older boy with pleading eyes. "How do I know all these things? How do I know about the Evas, the children, or the Angels? How do I know all the access codes to the Magi, when Ritsuko is the only one who can even understand them?" he blinked in surprise, then laughed. "And who the hell is Ritsuko Akagi? Head doctor of NERV, in charge of the maintenance of the Evangelion series and Magi stability?" he shook his head, a twisted smile on his lips. "See? I've never even met her, and I know all about her..."

The older boy reached over and tried to put a hand on Roland's shoulder, but Roland pushed him away. "Don't touch me!" he yelled.

He stared down at his undamaged hand, the only one that seemed human; as if it could give him the answers. "Why? Why why why why!!!" he turned back to the boy. "Why can I do the things I do? Why don't I die, even when I throw myself off of a twenty story building?!" he trembled, then clutched his head. "And what are all these...god...damn...VOICES in my head!!! Who is Lilith?! Lilith, the mother of all! The one who bore the world, and grafted the Envoys from her very soul! The one who betrayed the Makers, who let loose the heretic of none!!"

The younger twin was hiding behind the older one, tears in his eyes. The older one just watched, as Roland shook and trembled. It was all he could do.

"AND WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!?!" he yelled. He lifted his arm up, shaking the black and twisted armor. "Why am I so afraid of it?! Why do I know that something terrible will happen if it breaks through?" he slammed the metal covered arm down against the plug seat.

"And what happened outside, before I came here?! What was that light?" he grabbed the plug handle with his good hand. "Why does all of this feel so damn familiar?!! Why do I want to, why do I NEED to do this?! Why do I feel like I can't turn away from trying to save them? Why do I think it's right..." he sobbed, his back heaving.

The younger boy slowly came out from behind the older one, then floated over to Roland. He gently touched Roland on his arm, his eyes sad. When Roland didn't protest, the older boy moved to his side and lightly grasped his hand.

Roland shuddered. "I can hear her. Even now I can hear her whispering. Whispering to the Evas and their children. Whispering to the stars and sky as she prepares to fall. Whispering her goodbyes."

He looked up, a sad smile on his face. "She knows what will happen tomorrow. She knows their plan will come to fruitation, that Third Impact will occur." a few tears fell from his eyes, to lazily float in the LCL. "And she's willing to do it all, just so they can be happy."

Roland blinked in surprise as he felt a soft, cool hand touch his cheek. The younger boy leaned over and lightly brushed away the stray tears from Roland's face, then smiled. Slowly, Roland felt a smile come to his lips. "Thanks, little one." he reached up and wiped his eyes, still smiling.

He looked up at the oder boy, then nodded. "Thank you." he sighed, closing his eyes. "I think I've needed to get that out for a long ti-" suddenly his eyes shot open wide.

"They're here."

An alarm went off inside the entry plug, just as the visual screen displayed nine red blips in the dawn touched sky.

Then one of the blips disappeared.

A second later, something hard and very solid slammed into the side of Unit 04. The twins vanished, as Roland was tossed and thrown inside the plug like a fly in a glass jar. Outside the screen showed a twisting view of the world, as the ground rushed up to meet the Eva like a gigantic hammer.

Then everything was swallowed up by darkness.

-

The Other smiled, his eyes full of glee and...something else.

Something more...primal.

"_Too bad Roland." _he laughed. "_Looks like the time came sooner than we expected." _he stopped at the threshold of the door of light, grinning widely. In his hands was a book, written by no one.

He took a step forward, then walked through.

-

_**A/N: Well, that was interesting... Next chapter is comin' soon!! Almost done with it, so keep your pants on! **_

_**And I know I said I'd have a Pen Pen Omake for you this time around, but it's taking a little long..sorry. I'll try to squeeze it in next time, I promise!**_


	5. Out Of My Cage

**A/N: Next Chapter!!!!! Thank you and have a nice day.**

**Disclaimer: Me no own Eva. Me simple caveman who live on rock.**

-

_At times, our greatest ally can be ourselves. Other times, we are our own darkest enemy._

-

**Chapter 4: Out Of My Cage**

-

It was tired of waiting, plain and simple.

Central command was unresponsive, the prey was sitting patiently. They came here to kill, to eat their fill. Yet they were not allowed?

It decided enough was enough. And there were always back doors to situations.

When the Mass Production series had been created, they were installed with an extensive list of programming barriers and personality subroutines that would have made Dr. Akagi drool with envy. These programs and conditionings excelled the Dummy Plug auto-pilot systems, yet kept it under control at the same time. Through these means, SEELE had successfully installed a virtual leash around their twisted "children". They had tamed the proverbial demon that was the Evangelion.

Or, so they thought.

They were foolishly obsessed with flaunting their "chosen genius" to the rest of the human race. Along with the new dummy system that utilized the personality data from the seventeenth angel, SEELE had also installed certain...human...traits into their prized creations. Though, they couldn't count on just how far those traits would develop, or what they would eventually become.

Like the ability to be cunning, for example.

A sadistic grin crept over Evangelion Unit 05 's mouth as it ran through it's internal list of diagnostic programming. It had found what it needed.

Apparently, if one or more of the units were injured during a mission, and Central Command was unreachable, the team leader became the immediate alpha authority until communications were successfully reestablished with headquarters.

Well, Central Command was unreachable. As for injuries...

Evangelion Unit 08 squawked in surprise as Unit 05 suddenly banked, did a 180 degree turn, and collided into it. As they spun in the sky, Unit 05 reached down and bit into the unfortunate Eva's arm, severing it in a sickening snap with it's metal plated teeth. The dismembered arm fell through the sky, spewing blood into the dawn air.

Eva 05 spun off of the shrieking Unit 08, it's gray tongue slipping over it's red lips, savoring the taste of fresh meat. And there would be more to follow of course.

After all, they never said _how_ the injury was supposed to come about.

Unit 05 opened it's mouth and shrieked out a call to it's brethren; tapping into the neural frequencies of the dummy system that unified them. As one, they moved with an eerie grace, their minds now collectively focused on one goal.

The destruction of Evangelion Unit 04.

-

Alarms screamed klaxon warnings, as Unit 04 was rammed head-first into ground.

The plug walls flashed red with warnings, as the damage was pulled up on the visual screen. The right shoulder had sustained serious injury. The silver and black shoulder armor had been ripped open like wet tissue, and a huge chunk of the exposed flesh was missing. In it's place was a giant bite mark.

The twins reappeared, to once again float in the LCL. The younger one was kneeling next to the older gray haired boy as he nursed his right shoulder, blood seeping through his white shirt. He waved off the younger one, then gestured to Roland, urging his twin to check on the seemingly unconscious pilot.

Roland was out cold. During the fall he had somehow manged to cut open his forehead. Red droplets of blood floated in the LCL around him. The younger twin examined the wound, finding it to not be too serious. He turned to tell the older one this, when he stopped dead in his tracks. Though nothing seemed amiss, a chill ran up both twin's spines.

Then, something in the plug _shifted_. A cold, menacing chill rippled through the LCL. A laugh that seemed to echo of the walls, then...

"Roland, did I ever tell you that you really SUCK at this?"

The twins watched with a look of shock on their faces as the previously unconscious Roland lifted himself up. His eyes flew open, and the older twin felt his blood run cold with fear.

They were red.

Roland blinked, then looked around the plug. He snorted in disgust. "What a dump." he coughed slightly, grimacing as he inhaled the LCL. "Lilith's blood? You can't be serious."

The twins watched as he ran his hand along the control yolk, sighing to himself. "Such a pathetic design for such a wondrous being. Wouldn't you agree?" he asked, looking directly at the twins.

The older boy felt himself stiffen in fear as those red eyes locked into him. It was as if his very flesh and soul were being ripped apart and examined by those cold, crimson orbs. They were full of a malicious glee and hatred; an unquenchable thirst for violence hidden by something like twisted grace.

Whoever this was, he was definitely NOT Roland.

The Roland who wasn't Roland snorted. "Why am I asking you? You were made by the Lilim after all. You probably don't know any differ-" he stopped suddenly, as his eyes caught sight of his arm.

He lifted it up, staring at the broken and black armor, a look of playful curiosity on his face. "So...that's what happened." he whispered. He shook his head slowly, a smile on his face. "Roland, Roland, Roland. You really are an idiot, aren't you?"

The older twin took a step forward. "Who are you?" he meant for his voice to sound defiant and in control, but a tremor of fear still managed to pass through it..

The other Roland laughed. It was a horrible cackling sound, like a chorus of nails scratching across Hell's chalkboard. "Who am I?" he asked. He turned his blood red eyes on the older boy. "I have no name." He spread his arms wide. Or would have, if his left arm hadn't made a horrible cracking sound, then hang limply like a puppet cut from it's strings. Roland looked at it in disgust, then shrugged.

"I am the keeper of truths and spinner of lies. I am the observer and the actor, the walker and the path. I am the heretic of none, the balance between death and insanity." he grinned, his eyes gleaming with something like hunger. "I am the thing of dreams that comes out to play when the moon is down and the hour is none."

Another blow rocked the stoic Eva, as something once again smashed into it. The older twin lurched forward in the LCL, as if pushed by an unknown force. He staggered to his knees, his hands over his mouth.

"You're the central core unit, aren't you?" Roland eyed him with a mild curiosity. "That must make you the processing unit." he said, pointing at the other twin. "Curious. You should be feeling the same nerve impulse effects as your counterpart here, yet you have no injuries. Unless..." he looked at the older one. "You're shielding him? I was not aware central power units could reroute the syncro statistics on such a minute scale."

The older one smiled. "Then there's obviously a lot you don't know about us."

Roland snorted. "Apparently. I've never heard of a Seraphic creation that was so poorly undeveloped."

Another blow, stronger than any before, rocked the Eva. This time, the lights and view screen of the plug flickered. There was a sickening crack from somewhere outside the plug, followed by squelching sounds. The older twin suddenly fell forward, his eyes rolling up into the back of his head. The younger one immediately caught him. He looked around, unsure of what to do, then looked up at Roland with pleading eyes. Roland stared back, his eyes cold and hard. The boy shook with fear, but stood his ground.

Roland held his gaze for a moment longer, then sighed. "I suppose that's my cue." he said, gesturing to the older boy. "The core can't take much more damage, since he's routing the nerve impulses directly to himself." his eyes snapped with irritation as his arm suddenly twitched. "But first, I have to take care of this."

The younger boy nodded. He gently lowered his counterpart, then floated over to Roland. He brushed his small hands against the armor on Roland's arm, intending to help heal it. Roland immediately hissed as if stung.

"Don't touch it!" he yelled, making the boy jump back in fear. Roland stared at the boy with his red eyes, making him shiver. "Are you really that stupid?! Even I don't know what will happen if you come into contact with it! Do you want Third Impact to happen here and now?!" The boy was frozen in fear. Roland's voice carried a force that had him rooted to his spot with fright.

Roland grumbled something about stupid machines built by stupid humans as he flexed his broken and twisted fingers. He glanced over at the younger boy. "I suggest you grab your other self and disappear. If your not gone when it starts, I can't guarantee I won't end up killing you." he grinned. "That would be bad for all of us now wouldn't it?"

The boy didn't have to be told twice. He grabbed his older twin, took one last look at Roland, then stepped through the wall of the entry plug, vanishing.

Roland watched as they disappeared. "Here I go again Roland, cleaning up your mess." he leaned back in the plug seat, sighing. "But at least you'll be able to do your part. That's more than I can say for myself."

He closed his eyes, his body becoming eerily still. A ripple seemed to move through the LCL. Then...

The damaged arm suddenly convulsed, twisting backing and forth in a mad frenzy. But Roland remained still and silent, even as the sounds of his own bones snapping filled the plug. Suddenly, the arm stopped it's violent spasming as a chorus of whispering voices filled the plug. They seemed to come from nowhere, yet at the same time everywhere. Roland's mouth moved.

"Horizon of Eternity."

Roland's eyes suddenly flew open wide, glowing with an inner light. "Sephirah Chesed, Gate of Mercy." He lifted up his arm. "Libera nos a malo."

Slowly, light began to leak out of the cracks in the charred armor. It filled the entry plug with a calm luminescence, resonating a deep feeling of peace. Strange designs made of light began to paint themselves across the metal, drawn by a phantom artist. They started at his talon-like fingers, then in one quick motion, spiraled up to his shoulder. The armor rippled and shifted like a living creature, the black and burned sections becoming untouched and gold again. His fingers flexed as the talons straightened and repaired themselves, bathing in the light that filled the plug.

Roland smiled. "Per omnia saecula saeculorum." His smile widened into a look of glee, as he reached down and gripped the control yolks.

"For ever and ever..."

Unit 04's eyes shot open, glowing with awareness.

-

Unit 05 grinned, drool spilling over it's red lips. It's fat gray tongue poked out, slurping up the last bit of flesh that it had torn from Unit 04's shoulder. It spread it's wings, shrieking a command to the rest of the white Evas.

Then a silver fist the size of a bus slammed into it's wide, grinning face.

-

Misato Katsuragi paced back and forth in her office, lost in thought. An open laptop sat on her desk, it's power on. Scrolling across the screen was the source of her problems, and Kaji's final gift to her.

The truth about Second Impact, the secret of the Adam Revival Project, and the driving force behind Human Instrumentality.

Sure, she had been given a better explanation of Second Impact than the worldwide cover up version. But she'd always known it was still an excuse. Just enough to keep her, and the rest of NERV, satisfied while still keeping them in the dark.

And she'd always thought the Adam Revival Project was just another fancy name for the Evangelion Project. But it was so much more than that. Like what exactly the Eva's were, and the truth of their mysterious origins. Even worse, the awful price that was paid to bring them into this world.

And then...there was Instrumentality. She shuddered at just the thought of it. There were things written there, things that frightened her and shook her to the very core. Things that were going to keep her awake at night, afraid to go to sleep. That is, if she survived long enough to ever sleep again.

And there were still things she didn't understand. Things that made her feel small and insignificant. Like the last time he had spoken to her.

"_The place looks nice." Kaji commented, taking a sip from his coffee cup._

"_Shinji's a big help. Asuka too." Misato said, grabbing a can of beer and sitting down across from him at the table. "So why the hell are you here so early?"_

"_Because Shinji and Asuka are at school." Kaji said._

"_So?"_

"_And there are things that we need to talk about."_

_Misato sighed. "If this is about me seeing that guy once or twice..."_

_Kaji smiled darkly. "If you think this is about some jealous grudge, I'm going to love surprising you."_

_Misato sighed, then popped the top on her can. Kaji waited as she took a deep, long swallow before putting it down. "So, what is this all about?"_

"_A lot of things." Kaji said, relaxing into his chair. "But, I suppose it won't hurt to start from the beginning." He took a swig from his cup, then cleared his throat. "A few months ago, much to my surprise, Commander Ikari doled out a special mission for me. A quick on-site surveillance job that was supposed to last only a few days."_

"_Where was it at?" Misato asked._

_Kaji grinned in his stupid way that still made her feel like smiling. "Nevada." he said. "And I'll give you three guesses where to, and I'll even give you a hint. I didn't have any time for gambling."_

_Misato blinked. "The Second Branch? Why?"_

"_Ikari wanted to make sure it vanished." His face grew dark. "Misato, you know that there are other enemies out there than just the Angels."_

_Misato's eyes widened slightly as she nodded from behind her beer can._

"_The Second Branch was SEELE's lapdog. If Ikari is good for anything, he IS good at keeping the old men in line." he leaned back. "Chances are if the experiment with Unit 04 had succeeded, we would have bitten off more than we could chew."_

_Misato nodded. If SEELE was pulling the strings behind an Eva. One that didn't have to worry about inconvenient power failures..._

_And, as amazing as Shinji and Asuka were...they weren't exactly consistent._

"_So you were sent to make sure Unit 04 disappeared?" Misato asked._

"_Precisely." Kaji said. "And I'll tell you a secret..." he leaned forward. _

"_It didn't."_

_Misato nearly dropped her beer. "What?!?"_

"_It took a leaping step right over my head, Misato." he grinned. "It was quite an experience, though I think I lost ten years off my life."_

_Misato's eyes were wide. "W...Where did it go?!?!"_

"_The coast, probably the ocean afterwards." Kaji shrugged. "Point is, we have no idea where it's at. For all we know, it could be hiding right under NERV in the Geofront."_

"_This is insane!" Misato shook her head. "Who's piloting it?!"_

"_No one."_

_Misato blinked. "What do you mean, no one?"_

"_I mean nobody was piloting it. It came to life during a test without a Dummy Plug, let alone an Entry Plug, inserted into it's spinal hatch." Kaji smiled. He reached into his pocket and withdrew a crumpled envelope. "I have the pictures to prove it." _

_He pulled out one of the pictures and slid it across the table. "Unless SEELE came up with a way for an Eva to run with its hatch wide open and a Terminator Plug inside, it was completely dormant. Even as it ran off on vacation."_

_Misato stared at the picture, dumbfounded. It was taken at an odd angle, as if the photographer took it while lying on his back. A part of her mused that Kaji had probably fallen on his ass in surprise as the Evangelion soared over him. It showed a running Unit 04, it's legs in mid-leap and kicking up dust. It's back was to the camera, with the unmistakable bright red Termination Plug sticking out of it's open hatch._

_Kaji waited patiently for the information to sink into the Major's brain before continuing. "Impossible, right?" he smirked. "I thought so too, so I tried to get as many shots as I could before it could skip town." he held up his envelope. "I managed to get an entire roll of film used before it ran out of sight." suddenly his face grew troubled. "Oddly enough..."_

_Misato looked up. Something was wrong, she could hear it in his voice. "What's wrong Kaji-kun?"_

"_Out of all the pictures I managed to take, only one developed properly." Kaji pointed at her. "The one your holding."_

_Misato looked at the picture, then back at Kaji, confused. "What do you mean? What happened to the rest of them?" Something told her he didn't just leave the lens cap on. _

_Kaji was silent though, only taking a sip from his coffee cup. His hands shook slightly, and when he put it down and spoke again she felt a chill run down her spine._

"_I...don't...really know.." then he looked at her, and what she saw shook her. _

_She saw fear. She hadn't seen that look on his face since...well...let's just say she hadn't seen it in a long time._

_Oh yes, something was indeed wrong._

_Feeling like her blood had been swapped for reactor coolant, she slowly reached over and tried to take his hand, but it was locked in a vice grip around his coffee cup. _

"_Kaji...what happened?" she could hear her voice shaking, even as she tried to steady it. She sounded like a scared child._

_He looked at her, then pulled another picture from his envelope and handed it to her. "Look for yourself." _

_Misato slowly took the picture, afraid but not knowing why. She felt her blood run cold as she turned it over._

_Most of the picture was black, as if Kaji really had left the lens cap on. But, the rest of the picture was taken up by a message, written in bright and bold red._

**TELL ME RYOJI KAJI, DO YOU BELIEVE IN DEATH?**

_Misato felt goosebumps ripple along her body as she read it. "It gets even more interesting." Kaji smirked, sliding the rest of the envelope across the table. She took out the next one._

**TELL ME TRUTHSEEKER, DO YOU BELIEVE IN THE JOY OF REBIRTH?**

"_I don't understa-" she began, but Kaji silenced her. "Just read the rest." he said, his face serious. "I have a feeling you're supposed to read them." _

_Misato opened her mouth like she was going to say something, then closed it. She pulled out the next one. It read:_

**TELL ME HERETIC OF NONE, DO YOU BELIVE IN THE FATE OF DESTRUCTION?**

_The next:_

**LIBERA NOS A MALO. PER OMNIA SAECULA SAECULORUM.**

"_Do you recognize the language?" Kaji asked, as she finished reading the picture. "You should, since we both studied it in college." he smirked. "Though I suppose we didn't do a lot of 'studying' then."_

_Misato ignored him. "It's Latin." _

"_Bingo." Kaji said._

"_Libera... Libera is deliver... deliver us..?" her brow furrowed in frustration. "Crap, I just don't remember-"_

"_Deliver us from evil, for ever and ever." Kaji said wistfully with a smile. "That's what it says." _

_Suddenly, he grabbed the envelope of pictures and spilled the rest out onto the table, making Misato jump in surprise. He stood up, slamming his hand into the table. "Every other one says the same thing: Deliver us from evil, forever and ever."_

"_I...I don't understand Kaji-kun..." she was really scared now. Something had gotten to Kaji, and it was more than just troubled nights and unslayed demons. "Are you sure someone didn't-"_

"_I developed them all myself." he said. "I ran a system check through all of the satellites that had passed over Nevada. There was no unusual activity, no transmissions that could have tampered with my camera, nothing." _

"_Kaji..."_

_But he didn't seem to hear her, as he ran a hand through his hair in a futile attempt to tame it. "The camera itself was shielded, so there's no way anyone could've tampered with it via an outside electronic device." he laughed dryly, slumping back into his chair. "I don't even know why I bothered to check the systems in the first place."_

"_What about the actual film?" Misato asked shakily._

_But Kaji only shook his head. "I checked the film, it hadn't been tampered with either."_

"_Kaji, I'm sure there's a logical explanation for this." Misato said, her voice shaky._

_Kaji erupted into a fit of laughter, though it was anything but humorous. "Logical?! What part of our lives has ever been "logical"? Hmm?" he grinned. "Angels bent on destroying mankind, enormous organic fighting machines piloted by adolescent children? Giant, underground cities. Continents exploding? What part of that strikes you as logical, or relatively normal at all?"_

"_Still..." but Misato didn't look so sure of herself. "I try to at least think of things in a normal way. Sometimes it's all I can do to keep from going insane."_

"_You mean that, and filling your life with booze and sex?" Kaji asked with a smug grin._

"_At least it's better than drowning myself in my own work." Misato shot back, her eyes blazing. "Hoping for scraps of the truth, while trying not to give my employers a reason to kill me!"_

_A long, uneasy silence followed her words; as Kaji stared at her, his face unreadable. Finally, he stood up, grabbing his coat._

_Misato mentally smacked herself as she shot up out of her seat. She didn't know why, but she was suddenly afraid, like she wouldn't see him again once he walked out her door. "Kaji, wait! I didn't mean t-"_

_But she stopped talking when he suddenly stepped forward and caught her lips in a kiss. Misato felt her eyes flutter shut as she pressed herself against him, not wanting him to leave, begging him not to. When they parted for air, their breathing heavy, they held tightly onto each other, not wanting to let go, and not knowing why. Maybe it was a phantom of their past bond, coming back to cruelly haunt them._

_Maybe it wasn't._

"_I know you didn't meant it...I just need to think for a while, that's all." he whispered, holding her close._

"_Kaji.." she whispered. They both felt it, like a dark ominous cloud that hung over the horizon of the future. "Kaji-kun...what's going to happen to us?" Misato breathed into his chest, her voice shaking._

_He shook his head, his voice soft. "I don't know. But somethings coming, and soon." _

_They stayed like that for a long time, until Kaji finally took a step back._

"_Well.." he said, grinning sheepishly. "I guess I better leave, before the kids get home. Wouldn't want Asuka thinking this is something it isn't."_

"_Yeah." Misato whispered, though her mind was saying something completely opposite, and her heart had resorted to complete silence. She tried to fake a smile as he turned to the door. She knew he'd see through it, but he smiled back all the same._

_Kaji's eyes were sad as he spoke. "Misato..." he paused, unsure of what to say. "I.." _

_He shook his head, as if clearing it. "You have the truth Misato, I hope it helps you find what you're looking for." he flashed her one final grin._

_And then he walked out the door._

_Misato slumped back into her chair, but not before grabbing another beer from her well-stocked fridge. "Drinking this early isn't healthy." she whispered, before tilting the can back and downing her amber colored medicine._

The date had been August 12.

Three days later, on August 15 , at approximately 8:54 P.M., Ryoji Kaji died.

Misato reached up and brushed her hand along her cheek. It came back wet with tears. She stared at her hand, the tears catching and reflecting the light. It had been nearly a month since she'd found out, and she was still crying. A small, sad smile tugged at the corners of her lips as she remembered sitting at her desk for hours, replaying his message over and over again. Not believing he was gone. Begging it not to be true. Hoping that he would walk through her door, grinning like an idiot and teasing her about her slob-like habits.

Anything. She would have taken anything, just to be close to him again.

"_You have the truth. Get on with it."_

And she was trying. Oh god was she trying. But there were so many things she didn't understand. Sometimes she wasn't sure she even _wanted_ to understand them. But one thing was certain. The slumbering beast wouldn't stay docile for long.

SEELE was bound to move soon, if not immediately.

Her eyes narrowed as she thought of what they were planning. It disgusted her just to think of what they were trying to do. Their so called Human Completion.

And, if Kaji's data was right, they would use Shinji to do it.

Shinji...

He hadn't been the same since the last Angel. Hell, since Asuka was hospitalized. Most of the time he would just sit and stare off into space. They rarely talked anymore, even at dinner. It felt like whenever they were together, some unspoken tension would make itself known in the air, miserably choking any attempt at communication.

And Asuka...

Asuka was lost. Plain and simple. She hadn't once shown any sign of recovery since after the 15th Angel. Oh sure, they could tell Misato she was alive and in good health. But she knew the truth.

Asuka was gone, and chances were she probably wasn't coming back.

Shinji was taking it really hard. It was ironic actually. They were always getting into fights and arguing over little things. But in the end, even when Asuka said she hated him and locked herself away, he still stood by her.

Even if she didn't want to come back, at least someone wanted her too.

Maybe it was just that Shinji needed someone to recognize he existed. Asuka had sure filled that role, though without as much comfort as Shinji probably needed. But even so, she'd made a big impact on him, changed him, showed him that life didn't have to be all bad. Even when you have nightmares and demons clinging to your heart, you can still live. Still survive.

She made him stronger.

Misato's eyes narrowed dangerously at the thought of SEELE using Asuka and Shinji in something as twisted as Instrumentality. "No." she said through gritted teeth, her face set and stone. "No way am I going to letthembe used in something like that! They're _MY_ kids! As long as I'm alive, no one's going to hurt them again!"

She slammed her laptop shut, and downed the can of beer before crumpling it up. "They've been treated like tools for long enough! We all have! And it ends here and now!"

-

The Other smiled widely as Unit 04's fist plowed Unit 05 into the ground with a satisfying crunch. With a flick of his mind, Unit 04's AT-Field unfolded; a brief orange shimmer painted against the backdrop of the night. The Eva roared as it's primary restraining bolts on it's demonic mask of a face snapped off, revealing a mouth full of razor edged teeth that glimmered in the moonlight. It flexed it's arm as the torn flesh and armor from Unit 05's bite repaired in a rapid growth of twisting sinew and muscle.

It's eyes glowed white with fury, it's lips pulling back into a hellish grin.

The Other wore the same grin as he slammed the control handles forward that willed the Eva to move. Unit 04 responded instantly, flying forward with a speed so great, it had to hunch over just to keep it's balance, it's claw-like hands reaching forward to rip up mounds of earth as it plowed towards the white Evas like a demon; newly free of it's shackles and rearing to be released from Hell.

The Mass Production Evangelions never even knew what hit them.

In a beast-like frenzy, Unit 04 plowed shoulder-first into the nearest white Eva, tackling it to the ground. The monstrous bird-like creature squawked in surprise, but was cut short as Eva 04 wrapped a black and silver hand around it's plump throat. It's other, powerful arm gripped the white Eva's arm, just above the elbow.

Then it began to pull.

With a sickening squelching sound, the MP Eva's arm tore off. It didn't even have time to scream, as Unit 04 tightened it's grip, snapping the Eva's throat. It managed to gurgle for a few moments as red foam spilled from it's lips, before Unit 04 shot up and slammed it's silver heel into the monster's face.

All in a fraction of a second.

Then it simply vanished.

Eva 05 scrambled up, it's head twisting back and forth, trying to locate Unit 04. It screamed a command to the rest of the Evangelion's, warning them to stay alert. They couldn't afford to lose another unit, at least until Unit 07 finished regenerating.

"Too late."

If there was ever a sound worthy of being called subtle, it was the sound Unit 04 made as it reappeared in front of Unit 08. Then, without seeming to move at all, it was suddenly behind the winged Eva. Unit 08 whipped around to attack, but howled in pain as it's armored chest and plump face were literally ripped apart by some unseen force, spewing blood into the air.

"Your slow, even to fall!" The Other snarled, his emotion twisting Roland's face into mask of pure glee, as the Eva crashed to the ground in a crumpled heap.

With a shriek of fury, one of the white beasts unfolded it wings and shot into the air; it's nose angling down in a steep dive for Unit 04. But the silver Evangelion was already gone, a sickening snap filling the night as it appeared above the flying Eva and brought it's fists down into the beast's neck.

But what The Other failed to notice was that one of the Eva's had acquired a weapon. It was something like a stretched out shield, it's edges sharpening into blades at it's tips, though it didn't stay like that for long. Without so much as a whisper, cloaked in a veil of silence as absolute as the night itself, the peculiar weapon seemed to lose it's solidity, twisting and spinning into a much more familiar dual prong shape.

The grinning Eva drew back it's arm.

As fast and subtle as the darkness, something thin and black flew past Roland's vision, followed by a squelching sound. Like someone stabbing a knife into a juicy peach.

Instantly, like a puppet cut from it's strings, Unit 04 went limp and fell to the ground, to rest like some long ago relic of a forgotten race; ones who specialized in carving frightening monstrosities from bare stone and earth. The long form of the lance protruded from it's silvery mask.

Unit 05 slowly moved over to the fallen Eva, it's gray tongue poking out to run over it's red lips. It was done, the enemy had fallen.

It was time to feast.

-

**A/N: First actual battle scene of the whole story so far! WOOT!!!! **

**So yeah, sorry about being so late, but I'll try to speed up the process from here on out. Plus, I'm thinking about redoing my previous chapters. You know, not changing the storyline or anything, just doing a bit of house work and maintenance, since my writing skills have improved by leaps and bounds from when I first touched pen to paper and started this story.**

**From here on out though, the story starts picking up. Roland's been hogging all the action thus far (Bad Roland, bad! No penguin treat for you!) but that's gonna change! Soon, the spotlight shall shift!**

**And, for your reading pleasure, I introduce the awesomely fantastic, incredibly splendifuris, and modestly nonchalant tale that is:**

-

**A Day In Pen-Pen's Life!**

**Part 1: Come Ye Famine, On Wings Of Sweet Beer**

**0-0**

Door handles had always been a slight obstacle to Pen-Pen. Not a great one, such as boxing a two-ton gorilla or driving a sixteen wheeler down a slope paved with maple syrup, but an obstacle nonetheless.

Ah, such is the life of an amphibian water creature. Full of mystery, suspense, and height related challenges.

Though, when it came to the fridge handle of Misato's beer cache, he always put in a little extra effort.

And such was the event taking place on this glorious day. The kids were off to school, and the lady of the house was off to work. The sun was shining and the skies were clear, a splendid day full of promises of relaxation and some quality R&R time with the penguin's favorite companion, Alcohol-sama.

With a slight hiss and a brief rush of cooling air, the door of the treasure trove of all Beer slid open. With tears in his eyes Pen-Pen reached into the cavern of cooling wonders and wrapped his flipper around a nice, cold can of-

Wait.

Something was wrong.

Where any other penguin would find a cylinder full of nectar of the gods, Pen-Pen's flipper closed only on empty air.

He felt his world shatter.

Thoughts of a relaxing and pleasant day were overtaken by the dark, looming image that every chronic alcoholic fears most.

Withdrawal.

For a long time, Pen-Pen stood there. The only sounds were the air conditioning and the faint noises of the neighbors. Then, a twitch of the eye...

Mrs. Asuna was a kindly old woman. A bit senile, but kindly all the same. For the past four years, she had lived in her apartment on the third floor; just a few doors down from the home of Misato Katsuragi. On a normal day, she was quite pleasant company. Though on others, she could get a little strange. Perhaps it was the fact that she'd lost a leg in Vietnam, or maybe it was just an unusual side effect caused from the large amount of Chinese incense she burned in her house. Whichever.

The fact was while any number of us might comment on the nice weather or the latest news, Mrs. Asuna would spend her time blatantly explaining that the government had been taken over by rabid farm chickens and they were all planning and enormous conspiracy which vaguely involved the amount of citric acid in McDonald's French fries and everyone's left shoe.

Go figure.

So, it just so happened that when Pen-Pen spontaneously combusted (metaphorically of course, though the effect was quite similar) Mrs. Asuna promptly exploded out of her small armchair (from which she had been knitting a doily embroidered with "Save the Potatoes! Eat the rutabagas!") dove under her table, and waited for the cute bunnies wielding bazookas to march down the streets of Tokyo 3, demanding that all the carrot hostages be returned.

Well, enough of that plot hole, back to the story!

Pen-Pen didn't know what to do. He was stricken deaf, dumb, and blind, all in a series of random (yet oddly fashionable) occurrences.

Man, alcohol does some weird things to penguins. Or the lack thereof. Whichever.

Suddenly, a bright ray of hope burst into his gloomy (and explosive) mood. He still had a bottle of sake stashed in his fridge, and had made some very extensive measures to making sure Misato couldn't get to it. You know, rolling boulders, flying arrows, random sharp pointy thingies. The occasional flamethrower.

With a shining light in his eyes, he darted through the door of his fridge. Past the boulder, the arrows, and the oddly pointy thingies (the flamethrower wasn't on right now) into his room, under his bed to the case that held his sweet, oh so sweet friend-

Oh.

Oh... That... Bitch.

Where there should have been a clear, crisp bottle full of tantalizing liquid, there was now only a decrepit and hollow shell. Beside it was a note.

"**Sorry! I snuck a few sips. Hope you don't mind!" Love, Misato.**

Oh, she would pay. She would pay dearly. He would see to that.

But know was not the time to mourn lost friends or plot revenges against busty women. There was a crisis at hand.

He needed beer. Fast. Like, right freaking now.

There was only one thing left to do.

Hopefully Misato wouldn't miss her driver's license missing from her desk. God knows she never took it with her anyway. It'd be a cold day in Hell when ANY cop managed to catch her. And maybe, just maybe she wouldn't miss her extra pistol either.

Oh, and no one would notice the oddly shaped cutout in one of the cardboard boxes. Even if it oddly resembled a human face.

-

**A/N: There'll be more where that came from later. Right now I'll show you a glimpse into the fuuuuttuure. Or at least the next chapter anyway.**

-

**Chapter 5: Mezzoforte **

"Who are you?"

The Other laughed in it's insane and chilling way. Though this didn't seem to phase the man that sat at the long metal desk, shrouded in shadows.

"Who knows? Maybe I'm your conscience. God knows we haven't spoken in awhile." He stepped forward into the shadows, his steps tracing over the twisting designs that decorated the black-glass floor.

"Maybe I'm a spy, sent by SEELE. Not that I would do them much good." The Other smirked, his red eyes twinkling as he stepped farther into the dark office and closer to the cold presence that was Gendo Ikari.

Suddenly, without taking another step, The Other appeared in front of the metal desk. His lips twisting into a grin, he leaned forward, placing his hands on it's cool surface.

Gendo Ikari didn't so much as flinch.

"Or maybe...Just maybe..." He leaned close to Ikari, his red eyes shining in the darkness. "I'm God's wrath."

If this surprised Gendo Ikari in the least, he didn't show it.

-


End file.
